


catch my eye (reflected in the cinema screen)

by CaffeinatedCopyeditor



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society (Homestuck), Angst, Casteism | Hemophobia (Homestuck), Developing Relationship, First Dates, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, I don't want to flood all the tags with davekat but there is background rosemary in this, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Roommates, Swearing, past Gamzee/Karkat moirallegiance, past abusive relationship, post Alternian revolution, post war with earth, references to Dave's childhood, there is some lore to this one lads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:40:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29377929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffeinatedCopyeditor/pseuds/CaffeinatedCopyeditor
Summary: ‘So, why are you looking for a new apartment?’‘A clown wants me dead,’ Karkat replies, deadpan. ‘Why are you looking for a new roommate?’You shrug, nonchalantly. You need someone to pay the rent. You have an empty room. Your sister moved out to live with her girlfriend, and it makes you feel like you’ve failed as an adult.‘Idk man. Just bored.’---Your new roommate is pretty cool. He has about a thousand secrets, and some literal actual war trauma, but whatever. He's cute.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 58
Kudos: 156





	1. Acquired: cute alien roommate

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings (contains spoilers): Trauma, references to war/revolution, references to Bro's abusive tendencies, Gamzee acts aggressive/violent, references to a past abusive relationship (Gamkar), vague references to Alternian violence, one joking reference to cannibalism, unhealthy coping mechanisms (because its Davekat and they are just like that).

‘So, why are you looking for a new apartment?’

‘A clown wants me dead.’ Karkat replies, deadpan. ‘Why are you looking for a new roommate?’

You shrug, nonchalantly. You need someone to pay the rent. You have an empty room. Your sister moved out to live with her girlfriend, and it makes you feel like you’ve failed as an adult.

‘Idk man. Just bored.’

‘Right,’ says Karkat, grumpily.

He seems to say most things grumpily. Grumpily…is that word? You think so. You're like, 80 percent sure. And if it isn’t a word then, boom, you just invented a new word. You're welcome earth.

‘Are you going to ask the next question or what?’ Karkat asks, gesturing towards the paper in your hands. You printed this list off the internet, for helping screen roommates. You're mostly doing this because you think it’s funny – Karkat is your only applicant.

‘Sure, man. Though to be honest, we’ve already gone through all the interesting ones. Mind if I ask you something personal?’

‘Go ahead, Strider.’

‘Coo. Its just, we don’t really get many trolls out in Texas. It gets pretty sunny here. You sure you're going to be alright?’

If possible, Karkat’s scowl seems to deepen at that. You don’t flinch, but you lowkey want to. Guy looks nasty. Still, you think it’s a fair question. The weird space war has been over for, what, less than a decade? About six years, you figure, though it took a while for it to all go through. You know a bunch of them have moved here since the treaty, mostly those who were already stationed on earth during the whole colonising thing, but Texas was pretty out of the way of all that. To be honest, you don’t really care for politics. All you know is that you can count the number of trolls you’ve seen in Texas on one hand, even though June seems to have made like a billion troll friends out in Washington. Its fine. You aren’t even a little jealous of your best bud’s cool alien entourage.

‘Texas doesn’t get a lot of trolls,’ Karkat mutters after a while, apparently giving in just to fill the silence. ‘That’s why I’m here.’

You try to take hims seriously but, man. He sounds like he just jumped out of a teen romance novel. If this dude is literally a vampire you are going to laugh your ass off.

‘Woah. I get it now. You’re the emo.’

‘What? I’m not emo.’

‘Nah man, I’m not saying you’re emo. I’m saying you’re The Emo. Like, in a teen movie? All brooding and mysterious. Don’t want to make any friends, always getting into trouble. Like Warren Peace. You know, Sky High?’

He looks at you like you just vomited on his shoes. Its chill, you get that look a lot. It looks pretty cute on him though. Scrunched up face under a mess of black curly hair, and a couple of candy-corn horns on top. You tell your gay ass to calm down and stop crushing on literally every person you meet. But your gay ass just does not quit. You will have to do your best to ignore it, in all its rainbow glory.

‘I only watch rom-coms,’ he says, with that same sour expression fixed in place. You almost lose your cool for a second, because that shit’s hilarious. Is everything Karkat says this funny?

You can imagine what your bro would say, letting a troll move in like this. Society rebuilt quickly, sure, but it wasn't that long ago that there was destruction everywhere. From what you can tell, a lot of the trolls on Earth weren't part of the initial invasion, though. They were part of the revolution, like Kanaya, which was taking place on Alternia at around the same time as the war on earth. You don't know what would have happened if they hadn't put that new fish lady on the throne, and to be honest, you don't love to think about it. For the briefest of moments, it crosses your mind that you can't be sure which side Karkat was on. Still, you need a roommate, and he seems chill enough. 

‘Dude. We are going to change that. When can you move in?’

-

Karkat’s been living here for like a week, and to be honest? You’ve barely seen the guy.

From what you can tell he isn’t on a nocturnal schedule, because he gets up for coffee just before you head out for work. But then, you also aren’t entirely sure he has a schedule at all. He calls his friends at all hours. You can hear his ranting through the thin walls of the apartment (whoever 'Eri' and 'Fef' are, he seems pretty constantly pissed at them). You don’t really mind, its pretty funny. Kind of charming, actually. 

Its nice not to be stuck in the quiet. Even though you don’t see much of him, his presence is as loud as he is. He leaves books strewn about, curls up on the couch to watch movies with his headphones in, and cooks food that smells incredible. You're kind of grateful for it. Silence always weirds you out, makes you tense. You haven’t had to worry about that all week.

Instead, you just worry about Karkat.

You aren’t his dad or anything, but the guy doesn’t seem to leave the apartment. At all. He gets his food online. You don’t know if he has a job, but if he does, he doesn’t go out for it. It occurs to you that this should have been the sort of question to include in the interview. You should probably know if the dude who’s paying half your rent is employed. For that reason, and totally only that reason, you knock on his door, 8pm, Friday night.

‘You need something, Strider?’

You shuffle awkwardly, expecting to have to avert your eyes, but Karkat is in literally the same clothes he always wears. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! The baggy jumper look is a very valid vibe. You sort of expected to catch him in his PJs though – you’re wearing yours. He looks you up and down, and you wonder if he’s judging you for it.

‘Yeah! No. You like movies, right? Right, of course you do. I do, at least, and that the important thing. Not that you aren’t important, I just…anyway. I got way too much popcorn. Come watch a film with me. Bonding time.’

‘…bonding?’

‘Yup. Wait, you know what that is, right? Like, getting to know each other. Its not like, stocks and bonds. I’m not a businessman. Well, mostly, I-‘

‘Shut the fuck up Strider,’ he sighs, running a hand through his hair. ‘Sure. Give me a minute.’

Karkat slams his door in your face. Somehow, you feel that could have gone better.

You fetch the popcorn. Its bagged, not the microwavable kind, because you have standards. Low-standards, but still standards. You go ahead and pour two bags of different flavours into one bowl, because all that shit tastes the same anyway, and head to the couch to wait. It’s a small apartment, with a living room that is also a kitchen, but the couch is comfy at least. Picking a movie isn’t difficult.

When Karkat comes out to sit next to you, he looks exactly the same as before. You had guessed he wanted to put on his jammies, but no. He sits about as far away from you as is physically possible, and gestures to the screen. You hit play.

‘Are you kidding me?’

‘What? Sky High is a classic. You’ll love it.’

Karkat inhales sharply through his nose, face scrunching up. You expect him to let it out in a dramatic sigh. He does not.

‘I told you to your fucking face, mere days ago, that I only watch rom-coms. I said those words, and they went into your little peanut brain, and out the other side. Do mammals not have long term memory? Or, heck, even short-term memory? I’ve got to assume that you are being intentionally malicious because there is literally no other fucking way you possibly could have forgotten. You are a parasite on society and I hope you suffer for your crimes.’

What the fuck. What the fuck? The dude doesn’t even seem out of breath afterwards. Just turns towards the TV and fixes his eyes on it as though he didn’t just try to glare you out of existence. You’ve heard him yell before, but never at you, and the words were always muffled through the wall. Now, though? You have felt the full force of his fury. And you kind of love it.

‘Alright, chill Karkat. Chillkat. I promise this movie has at least one decent romance in it. Okay, at least half of one. Actually, if you have any sense you’ll just rely on headcannons and personally I go the OT3 route. Man, there’s even – oh. Sure, I get it. I’ll shut up. This is me, shutting up.’

And you do. For a while, at least. You’ve never been a very quiet movie watcher. Or a very quiet anything, really. The good news is, neither is Karkat. He yells at the movie every five minutes, particularly at the protagonist. In his defence, Will does kind of suck. Karkat uses a lot of words you don’t know – what the fuck is a Kismesis? Still, he seems like he’s having fun. Your jokes even manage to coax a smile out of him once or twice.

Karkat’s smile is really pretty, actually.

By the time the credits roll you still have half a bowl of popcorn, and neither of you are willing to move out from underneath your respective blankets. Oh yes, its bonding time. All systems go.

‘So, Karkat. Do you yell at movies for a living? Or do you have some other, equally powerful talent.’

‘If I could get paid for that, I’d be rich,’ he replies, dreamily. ‘But no. I’m a writer. Freelance copy work, mostly. Tweets and labels and shit like that. I’m working on a novel, but who the fuck isn’t?’

‘Me, for one,’ you reply. ‘That’s seriously cool. Even having the energy to try and write a book is worth major credit. Like…at least a wind-up radio’s worth of credit. Or one of those really good blenders.’

He shoots you a puzzled look. Its like his face is made out of elastic sometimes, with how it stretches and scrunches, reacting to every little thing. He really has no filter - it is wild to witness.

‘Not that I don’t understand, but also, what the fuck are you talking about?’

‘You know, store credit. Return a thing you paid money for, and get fake money in return. Is there no store credit in space?’

A weird shadow crosses his face then, and you worry you might have crossed the line. You haven’t exactly met a bunch of trolls, but Kanaya has made it pretty clear to you that Alternia wasn’t the best place. Well, the whole war thing made that clear first. You were only nineteen when it ended, and your bro didn’t let you go out much, so to be honest you are kind of out of the loop. You were too young to be really involved in it, and no actual fighting took place in Texas, but you know people who were properly affected. Jade's island got taken over entirely. More than that, you know most trolls were left pretty traumatised, not matter which side they were on. They were fighting a revolution at the same time, after all. You wonder idly if Karkat was involved in the fight, or if he was too young, like you.

Judging by his expression, it wouldn’t be okay to ask.

‘Shut up,’ he snaps. ‘Its not my fault earth currency makes no sense. Why do you need so many of them?’

‘Oh, dude. If you want to talk economy, we can talk economy.’

‘Numbers are the bane of my existence,’ Karkat groans. ‘I’m going to bed.’

He stomps off, and you want to say something, but you don’t know what. Before you can think of a good quip, he turns and speaks instead.

‘This was fun. Next time, I’m picking the movie.’

-  
-  
Movie night becomes a weekly occurrence.

Technically, movie-night is Friday night. But you have the afternoon off this Wednesday, so you and Karkat are going to squeeze another one in. Your turn to pick, again. After Sky High, he chose She’s all That. You picked Lemonade Mouth, and he went with Miss Congeniality. Its been kind of wonderful. You learn all sorts of things about him. His favourite stories to write, and his favourite books to read. His weird hatred towards poetry. The way he laughs so quietly but rages so loud. You think he's getting to know you too, because he's stopped making so many sudden movements, and has started to see the finer humour in some of your better rants. Its...nice, having him around. Now its your turn to pick the movie again, and you are going with Night At The Museum. A weird choice for your day off, maybe, but it’s a rad flick.

Being a museum tour-guide wasn’t exactly your dream. It’s nice, though. You get to look at cool stuff, and flex that you know things about the cool stuff. You love your job, you really do, even if there are only so many times you can tell kids to stop climbing on the dinosaur exhibit before you feel like laying face down on the floor and living there. Forever. Like some kind of floor-man. You are really looking forward to the afternoon off.

When you get home, the apartment smells amazing. You find Karkat in the kitchen.

‘Welcome back!’ He turns to you, offering a small smile that you think might be Karkat’s version of grinning. ‘I made stew.’

‘Good for you. I’m having pasta.’

‘Oh,’ he looks hurt. You seem him move to put away one of the two bowls he’s set out.

Wait.

Two bowls?

‘Dude, did you cook for me?’ you say, in awe.

‘It’s no big deal.’ His voice is weirdly strained. Its almost cute how bad he is at lying. ‘I just made a little extra.’

‘Oh heck yeah, hit me up with that stew, then!’ you say, trying not to sound over eager.

Nobody ever cooks for you. Nobody ever has. Well, you assume bro must have, when you were really young. You don’t remember that though. You mostly remember trying to figure out how to work a stove for the first time. It didn’t go well.

Karkat pulls a ladle out of the tall, silver pot, and pours it steadily into one of the bowls. It’s a clear, honey-coloured broth, with an assortment of chunks. They look like vegetables. You suddenly remember the kinds of stuff Kanaya eats, and you hope they are vegetables.

‘Its safe for humans,’ Karkat says, as though reading your mind. ‘Its actually a human recipe. Not as in, there’s humans in it. I know you don’t tend to like the cannibalism thing. It’s just vegetables.’

He pronounces vegetables with about as many syllables as possible, stretching his mouth slowly over the word. Its…actually stupidly adorable. You sometimes pronounce things kind of wrong yourself, given that you mostly learned to talk from the internet, so you aren’t going to give the guy any trouble over it. Instead, you offer him the barest hint of a smile. He looks pleased.

Karkat passes you the bowl, then serves his own. You grab a tray and go set up the movie. When he settles down on the couch next to you, he sits a little closer than before. Huh.

‘So, what garbage have you picked this time?'

‘Oh, dude. It’s the best. Its about a museum, where…actually, I don’t want to spoil it. Just watch.’

Pressing play, you turn your attention immediately to the food in your lap. You put a spoonful of the stew in your mouth. Its good. Its really, very good. You feel like you're having an anime moment. Is your hair puffing up with happiness, or is that your imagination?

‘Karkat, my guy, you can really cook. This stuff is great!’

‘Whatever. Stew is basic shit, Strider. A baby could make it.’

‘I don’t know man. I was like a master-chef baby, and I never managed anything like this.’

He makes a quiet…clicking noise? There’s a word for those. You're sure there is, but you don’t know it. He looks down, as though embarrassed, but he doesn’t blush. You’ve noticed that you never see him blush, no matter how much yelling he does. Sometimes you think you catch a glimpse when he hides his face, but its hard to say. You know that this isn’t a troll thing, because of Kanaya. But then, your only real point of reference is Kanaya. You should probably stop comparing them. You aren’t working on a documentary, or anything. That is, you aren't trying to study Karkat. He's great, you bet you could fill a whole documentary on him if you wanted to, but you don't. You totally, super don't.

‘Uh, Dave?’

You’ve made it a good way into the movie. Larry the nightguard is running from the lions, even though his instructions clearly said to lock them up. Classic Larry.

‘Yeah, my dude?’

You aren’t sure when you graduated from Strider to Dave, but you like it.

‘I don’t know what the fuck is going on.’

‘Oh. So this dude named Larry got divorced from his wife-'

‘That’s the Matesprit one?’

‘I…think so? Yeah. And so he needs a job to support his kid. So he works at a museum, and everything turns out to be all magical and shit. Boom, dinosaur walking around. Coolest shit I ever seen.’

He’s quiet for a minute, picking at his jumper sleeve. Its still the only thing you’ve seen him wear. You hope it’s a fashion choice, and not due to a lack of clothing, but you aren’t uncool enough to ask.

‘I do not know what a dinosaur is.’

‘Its like a big lizard.’

‘I don’t know what…what any of this is. Like, any of it.’ He gestures vaguely at the screen, frustrated.

Only then does it hit you that you didn’t think any of this through. Most of the (extremely good) humour of this movie comes from historical figures and events. Karkat doesn’t have a point of reference for any of that. Sometimes you forget that trolls haven't always been around. The two of you have been doing okay at explaining small differences between cultures for the sake of movie watching, but this is kind of a big gap to bridge.

‘Shit,’ you say, hitting pause. ‘I really dropped the ball on this one. I dropped so many balls. There’s me, arms full of balls, when I realise I don’t even know how to juggle. Balls everywhere. It’s a massacre.’ Karkat still looks uncomfortable. Suddenly, it dawns on you. ‘Hey, you should come to the museum with me! I’ll give you a tour, all the hot gossip. Fill you in on the last few thousand years or so…no?’

You panic a little, ready to backtrack, because Karkat suddenly looks terrified. Completely and utterly frightened. You know that look. You’ve worn that look.

‘Actually, I’m pretty tired,’ he splutters, putting his barely-touched stew on the coffee table. ‘Alternian sleep patterns or something. Must be the sun. I’m going to. Go.’

Your chest constricts, a tight mass of something spilling guilt into your stomach. You messed up. You don't let it show.

‘Okay dude, no pressure. See you Friday?’

‘Yeah, maybe,’ he says, closing his bedroom door, and locking it.

You finish your stew, but it doesn’t taste as good anymore.

-

Its Friday, 7:30, and you feel decidedly uncool as you try to look nonchalant on the couch.

You haven’t seen Karkat at all since Wednesday. You think he’s probably not going to want to watch a movie, but you don’t want to not be here if he does. You are trying to both be ready for movie night, and seem like you are very busy doing anything else. It’s a tricky tightrope to walk, but you are like a master gymnast. You’ve got this.

You stretch out on the couch, taking up the whole thing to imply that you are not waiting for him, and play Tetris on your switch. Tetris involves a lot of concentration, but each round is short. Maybe you are fully invested, but maybe you are just filling time. Who knows? Certainly not Karkat. You little genius, you.

There’s a knock at the front door, because apparently the universe hates you. You consider ignoring it, because you don’t have any deliveries planned, but it comes again less than a minute later. Much louder. Whoever is on the other side of that door clearly doesn’t care about your nonchalant, questionably-busy image. You get up to answer it, but before you reach the door, someone on the other side starts screaming.

‘Open UP motherfucker! I know you are in there you little shit.’

You freeze, a few feet from the door. You are about to reply, when a dark blurry shape pushes past you. Karkat stand in front of you, both his hands on your chest, and shoves you back into the apartment. He is frantically shaking his head, his grey face frighteningly pale.

‘You home, Filth-blood? I’m talking to you, so fucking answer me!’

Whoever-it-is starts banging on the door, aggressively and without rhythm. You feel fear pick up in your own chest. Are you in danger, right now? Do you need to go get a sword?

Karkat closes his eyes, as though pained. For such an angry little guy, he does seem to get scared a lot. You come to a decision. You grab him by the hand, pull him into your bedroom, and lock it behind the both of you.

‘What the fuck?’ you whisper at him, trying to convey a lot with three words.

‘Dave, if you answer that door we are both fucking dead. Understand?’ Karkat hisses, urgently.

That is really not what you wanted to hear.

‘I wasn’t going to open it!’ you whisper back, a little defensive. ‘What’s going on? What do we do?’

‘Just stay quiet. He’s not going to risk breaking in unless he knows for sure I’m here.’

‘He seemed pretty fucking certain, Karkat!’

You can still hear him wailing from outside the apartment, and can only hope he doesn’t hear you back. He’s properly bashing at the door now, and you aren’t so certain it’ll hold. He keeps calling Karkat a whole host of names you don’t understand.

‘Motherfucking mutant! You know it’s the right thing to do. You know it. Open the door.’

Karkat is shaking. His knees buckle, and you go to catch him by the elbows, lowering you both onto your bedroom carpet. Quietly, your brain reminds you that you haven’t vacuumed in here for like three weeks. Shh, you tell your brain. There are bigger problems right now.

‘If he gets in here,’ Karkat mutters. ‘Just run, okay? He’ll be focussed on me. Just run.’

‘I’m not going to leave you,’ you say, without thinking. The idea of letting Karkat get hurt is unfathomable. ‘Who is this guy, anyway?’

Karkat shakes his head violently.

‘You don’t want to know. Just be ready to run.’

‘Karkat, no.’

‘Dave, ye- oh,’ he stops, listening. You listen too.

The apartment has gone silent.

‘Is he gone?’ you ask, daring to speak just above a whisper.

‘’I think so. Mind games aren’t really his thing. Well, this kind of mind game isn't, at least,’ Karkat replies at normal volume, standing up, and pulling you with him.

He seems…surprisingly okay? Like he just switched off the fear the moment he wasn’t actively in danger. Your own heart is still hammering away. How common is this for him, that he feels safe enough now to unlock your bedroom door and walk out like nothing happened?

‘So,’ he says casually, a tight smile on his lips. ‘Movie night?’

‘Are you kidding me?’ you splutter. ‘I like to think I’m pretty chill, but even I’m gonna need some kinda explanation for that.’

‘Oh, grow the fuck up Dave,’ Karkat spits. Great. He’s back to his usual semi-serious anger. ‘He’s gone, so its fine.’

‘Its clearly not fine. What if he comes back?’

‘This is troll shit, okay? I’ll deal with it. I told you that you could run. No need to get so upset with me.’

‘I’m not-' you deflate, trying to breathe. You don’t like getting aggressive. That’s not you. ‘I’m not going to just leave you to whatever that was. And I’m not upset at you, I’m just…upset. I don’t super love violent situations.’

Karkat gives you a long, scrutinising stare. He can’t see beneath your shades, but you hold his gaze anyway.

‘Sit down then,’ he sighs, eventually. ‘But if you try to kick me out for this I’m going to be pissed.’

You nod, and move to sit beside him on the couch. He plops himself down sideways, so he’s cross-legged, and you face him with your legs tucked beneath you. There’s something kind of intimate about it. You try not to blush as he stares at you, clearly gathering his thoughts.

‘I can’t tell you everything,’ he settles on, eventually. ‘But that…his name is Gamzee. He’s a highblood. Do you know what that is?’

‘Sort of,’ you shrug. ‘Those are basically the upper-class, right?’

‘Close enough. Gamzee has purple blood in him, which means he’s strong. He’s also, technically, the descendant of the grand highblood. This meant he had a very prominent place in Alternian Society and eventually the army,' Karkat explains this like he's had to do it before. Like a checklist, or an excuse. 'He was also…my Moirail.’

You nod in understanding. You’ve got a pretty firm grasp of his romance system, at this point, from his yelling at all the movies he’s made you watch. You do your best to reserve your judgement, even though this Gamzee guy seems like a full-on dick.

‘He used to be nice, you know?’ Karkat offers you a watery smile you can’t bring yourself to return. ‘I knew him, before the revolution. He was a good friend. And then, after Fef took power, I needed somewhere to go. I found out he had a house on earth and he took me in. But he had…changed. The army had changed him.’

‘I’m uh, going to go out on a limb and assume he was fighting for the empire?’

Karkat nods.

‘Yeah. He was given a big house in one of the earth colonies, but he fucking hated the place. The empress made him stay here for diplomatic reasons but he became… aggressive. I don’t know what he went through, but I figured I could help him through it. Be a good Moirail. It didn’t work out.’

Karkat looks so upset, and to be honest, you aren’t quite sure what to do. People aren’t usually this open with you, and you have never been that open with anybody. You settle for shuffling closer, and placing a hand on his knee. He grabs it like a lifeline. Karkat isn’t usually big on physical contact, but right now, it seems like he needs it. His skin feels hot and feverish.

‘I stayed. Six years. I didn’t know what else to do. Don't give me that look, shithead! It wasn’t all bad. To be honest, I barely saw him most of the time. He had other quadrants, and spent a lot of time in the vents.’

‘The vents?’

‘Don’t ask. Look, long story short is… I pissed him off. See, he was miserable. He wanted to move back to Alternia, and Fef gave him the green light to go. But then he wanted me to go with him. We got into a fight and he found out-uh. He learnt some things about me he didn’t like.’

‘Things? You lived with him for six years, and he wants to kill you over one fight?’

‘Its complicated, Dave. Hemocaste stuff that I don’t want to get into. But, look, he’s moving back to Alternia next month. I’ve been counting down the days. I’ve just got to wait him out.’

‘What if he doesn’t go?’

‘He will. I know him,’ Karkat runs a hand through his hair, stopping to rub anxiously at a horn. ‘Are you done with the questions? I’m genuinely fucking exhausted.’

You nod, and resist the urge to reach out and run your own hand through his hair. That’s a whole lot. That’s a whole lot of stuff that you have no idea how to deal with. Shouldn’t you call the police? You don’t even know if earth laws apply here. You just want Karkat to be less sad, and more safe.

‘Hey,' you say, running your thumb over the back of his hand. ‘Whatever made him turn on you, I’m sure it can’t be that bad. This guy sounds like a nightmare. I’m staying with you if he comes back. I’m…I’m on your side.’

You aren’t sure it was the right thing to say until Karkat launches himself at you, wrapping his arms around you in a tight embrace. He’s really warm, and his jumper is soft where it presses against your face. At first, you flinch, but soon you sink into it. You’ve never had a hug like this before. It’s really, really nice.


	2. Quest: Communicate with companions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings (contains spoilers): Protests, war aftermath, scars, Trauma, Mild agoraphobia,
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter! Most updates probably won't be this fast but I was inspired and impatient.

Things with Karkat are pretty different after that.

He spends more time out of his room. Most days, the two of you eat breakfast together. Even though Karkat seems to hoard secrets like some kind of dragon, you get the feeling that he doesn’t actually like them, and is a little more comfortable now that he’s been more open with you.

You feel kind of bad about that in retrospect. You probably shouldn’t have pushed him to talk, but it was a rough situation and you were pretty shaken. Still, at least Karkat seems happy about it. You’ve never really enjoyed sharing your own shit, preferring to keep it up on a high shelf, but you are glad it works for him. Its nice, that he’s more comfortable around you now.

Its also extremely, endlessly frustrating.

The first time you see him out of his regular jumper, you almost blink out of existence. It’s just a tank-top, still black with that grey symbol on the front, but his arms surprise you. They are muscular, covered in tiny red freckles that flow over his grey skin in swirling waves. There are also a few pale, white scars there that remind you of your own. His arms also confirm one other thing.

You are very into Karkat Vantas.

This isn’t exactly surprising. You have a bad habit of crushing on people you get close to. This one is particularly vicious though. Within days of your realisation, you find yourself desperate to spend time with him, to know him better. He seems pretty happy to spend more time with you, too, but you try not to make any conclusions about that.

Dating your roommate would be a bad idea. An exceptionally terrible, no good very bad idea. The biggest, most awful, most tragic idea in human history. And yet.

And yet you stare at him when he laughs at a movie or rubs irritably at his horns. You eat every meal he makes you, and they all taste good, and you wonder what it would be like to eat like this for the rest of your life. You pine for a future where you don’t have to worry about him leaving you. 

For the mean time, though, its pretty cool to be his friend. He still doesn’t go out much, though you have seen him leave to grab emergency groceries once or twice, so you figure he’s less on edge now that Gamzee is supposedly off planet. The two of you have plenty of time to sort out whatever is happening between you, so you try to be chill about it. You don’t want to hurt him.

You hadn’t even considered that dating him might hurt you, until one shitty, rainy morning when you are watching the news.

More protests, filling the streets of the most heavily-colonised areas with large signs. The destruction in the background always makes you shudder. You were so far from the war, that you never had to witness that kind of violence, but the aftermath is enough to make you wonder.

You really need to give June a call. She’s supposed to be visiting in a couple of weeks for your birthday, but when shit like this goes down, you like to check in.

The protests don’t seem very well organised. There are so many counter-movements and counter-counter movements that each group of signs seems to be for a different thing. No more trolls. Better rights for trolls. Changes to Alternian travel policies. Hemocaste equality.

Nestled amongst the protesters are a large group of trolls. They are notable because their crowd seems to be the most diverse, with small rust bloods nestled in next to huge blue bloods. You know enough about the Hemospectrum by now to understand that this isn’t common, but you barely have time to spare it a thought because your eyes are glued to the signs they are holding.

Its Karkat’s symbol, grey and unassuming, with a large red X painted over the top.

You swallow hard, staring at the screen in panic and confusion. That can’t be good, right?

-

‘…and then Karkat went on this whole rant about how either string cheese or cheese strings need to change their name. It was hilarious.’

‘I’m sure it was,’ Rose says, looking bemused.

You’ve been hanging out at Rose’s place for almost three hours. You’re playing animal crossing, and Rose is knitting. It’s one of those if-I-Don’t-Chill-With-My-Sister-I’m-Gonna-Explode kinda days. Your head had been kinda loud this morning. Not just because of the news, but because of the fun cocktail of traumas your bro left you with that like to show up now and then. Some days are harder than others but, usually, those days are made easier by Rose.

‘Don’t say it like that.’

‘Like what?’

‘Like you’ve got a secret. Granted, you usually talk like you’ve got a secret, because you usually do. Well, I assume you do. I guess I don’t actually know, that’s kind of the whole point of a secret.’  
Rose chuckles ominously. ‘I see my absence has not in anyway limited your ability to spout bullshit.’

‘Of course not. It’s a super power. You can’t take that away so easily, villain.’

‘I shall have to alter my methods,’ she says, dropping a knitting needle to raise her hand into a curved, evil looking claw. ‘Perhaps some kind of energy crystal, or complex potion.’  
Despite yourself, you snort with laughter, and she grins wickedly. You never mind smiling as much when it’s just for her. Although…

‘Actually, that reminds me of something Karkat said-‘

‘Seriously, Dave?’

‘What?’

‘You have told eight different Karkat anecdotes so far. I would very much like the opportunity to talk about my own girlfriend, if that’s alright.’

Just as you turn beetroot red, Kanaya swishes into the room with a tea tray in hand. 

‘Are you talking about me?’ she asks, innocently.

‘I would love to,’ Rose sighs. ‘But Dave’s hijacking the conversation by talking about his new boyfriend.’

Dave looks anxiously over his shoulder. Karkat is no doubt still at home so there’s literally no way he heard. Its just that…things have been nice, recently. Good. Karkat’s been living with you for over a month and he seems way more relaxed now. You hang out a lot. Like, a lot a lot.

‘Well, that seems like a mistake on his part,’ says Kanaya, settling down next to Rose in their living room. ‘I can guarantee I’m much more interesting.’

‘He’s not – we aren’t!’ Dave protest half-heartedly. ‘Its just nice to have a new friend. I mean, It’s not like I can talk to you about any of my other buds, is it? You know them all.’

‘And you do always get the gossip before him,’ Kanaya muses. 

‘Exactly! Thank you, Kanaya.’

Rose looks to Kanaya in mock offence, then seems to have an idea of how to turn the tide. You stop fishing, and put down your game in anticipation as Rose whispers something in Kanaya’s ear. She lights up – literally. She’s glowing now. 

‘He’s a troll!’ Kanaya squeals. ‘Dave, I was not made aware you were dating another Texas based Troll. I have had quite a difficult time finding anyone who understands the struggles of living here.’

‘We aren’t dating, Kanaya.’ You sigh, dragging your hand down your face. It catches on your shades in a decidedly uncool way. ‘But yeah, he’s a troll. I didn’t realise you’d be that exited. I thought you had plenty of troll friends.’

She nods. ‘I do, but none of them are based here. I would love to meet him – unless,’ a thoughtful expression falls over her face. ‘Tell me, was he part of the revolution, or the invasion?’

Rose’s eyes go wide, and it’s clear she’s trying to indicate to you that there is a correct answer. You aren’t surprised. Kanaya was a proud revolutionary, and practically led Alternia to freedom. Afterwards, she was left…hurt. She lost a lot of friends, some by choice, as she refused to interact with anyone who had fought for the old empress. Rose has told you about all the stress its put on their relationship, that Kanaya is struggling to move on from everything, and is more than a little lonely. Those two are cute as fuck, but they aren’t perfect either.

‘I don’t know,’ you tell Kanaya, honestly. ‘I didn’t want to ask.’

‘Well, you should,’ she insists. ‘Living with someone who fought for the empress towards the end is akin to sleeping with the enemy. Which is something that you should not do.’

The conversation is a little awkward after that, but she soon recovers. You let Rose tell you about work, and her planned vacation, and Kanaya shows you some of her latest designs. It’s a pleasant enough time, but you are careful not to bring up Karkat again.

-

‘Are you sure, dude?’

‘I’m not a wriggler. I can leave the hive without you holding my fucking hand.’

You nod, but to be honest, you aren’t sure you believe him. You walk down the street together, and its boiling out but he is still wearing his jumper. You have never seen him outside of the apartment before.

‘Okay, but if you-‘

‘Fucks sake!’ he curses wildly. ‘Look, Gamzee is gone and I’m bored as fuck. I’m not saying I’m going to become an extrovert overnight, but I can manage one museum trip without spontaneously combusting.’

Okay, he says that. He says that, but he still looks unsteady on his feet. He keeps his sweater sleeves pulled over his hands, and checks his reflection in every shiny surface you come across. Each person who you cross paths with is treated like a threat. The last one, you understand, but the rest is kind of a mess. 

By the time you get to the museum he seems pretty rattled, so you offer to buy him a tea from the stand out front.

‘Oh, uh, no thanks.’

‘Not a tea fan? I think they have cocoa somewhere around here.’

‘No! I mean, ugh,’ he scowls at the floor as though it personally murdered his lusus. ‘Look, I don’t really eat or drink things that I haven’t made myself. It’s just a precaution.’

You can’t help but think of that protest on the news. Is being careful about food a troll thing, or specifically a Karkat thing? You’ve gotten used to seeing him so relaxed around the apartment that you’d almost forgotten how jumpy he is.

‘No big deal. Though, you might get kinda hungry. Sure you don’t want to go home?’

‘I’m sure,’ he smiles at you, shaky. ‘You invited me here. I want to see where you work. And I want to watch that Larry movie with you.’

Despite yourself, and everything you were taught, you can’t help the broad grin that spreads across your face. Is he really doing this to spend time with you? That’s…that sets something off in your chest that you do not want to name.

‘Heck yeah, dude. You are going to love it. I bet you’ll be an Ahkmenrah kinnie in no time.’

You lead him around the museum, pointing out your favourite exhibits and skipping over the boring ones. You expect him to grump all the way through, but he actually seems to be doing his best to listen, and after a while he’s comfortably chiming in with questions and observations.

It…means a lot to you, honestly. You’ve always had an interest in fossils, which gradually expanded into a greater interest in history. Particularly in ancient Egypt, but you also can’t help but gush about the wild west, and get all exited when you take him through the ocean life exhibit. The whole time Karkat is right there with you, attentive, seemingly happy. 

For a long while, you’ve been kind of aimless. Content, sure, but you’ve got the job you want and an apartment you like. People always talk about how important goals are, but you kind of just like to float along and chill. The constant drive to be the best, to always succeed, is something you ditched long ago. You are happy enough to focus on the fun details. This is a perfect opportunity for that, and you are living for it.

‘So, what about those guys?’ he asks, gesturing to a diorama in the hall of miniatures. ‘Are they okay?’

‘Oh, super no. This display depicts the June rebellion. It was sort of a big deal – there’s a whole musical about it.’ You thinks for a sec. ‘Actually, you would love it. I’ll add it to the list.’

He nods, squatting down to peer into the display case. His pointy ears twitch curiously, and you can swear you see his large, grey pupils expand even wider as he focuses in on the details. You still aren’t used to aliens just existing places, even after so long with Karkat. You can tell by some of the glances that are thrown your way that other people feel the same. If it bothers Karkat, though, he doesn’t mention it.

‘Why were they so small?’

‘What?’

‘They’re tiny,’ he turns to look up at you, expectant. ‘I didn’t know humans could be that small.’

Okay, you know for a fact that Karkat is not stupid. Not knowing something does not make you stupid. But the way his tone is so genuine catches you entirely off guard. Before you can stop yourself, you let out a full on cackle, startling several nearby people.

‘What?’ Karkat looks so surprised that you almost burst out laughing again. ‘Dave, what did I say?’

‘No, man, no,’ you chuckle, wiping a tear from beneath your shades as you try to collect yourself. ‘Its just, people don’t get that small. Its just a depiction. Like, how toys aren’t always to scale, yeah?’

For a moment he just looks startled, then he buries his head in his hands to hide his face. You can see a few strawberry patches of skin peeking out from beneath his fingers. Not for the first time, it occurs to you that Karkat has been consciously concealing his blood colour. You’ve guessed by now that he must be a rust blood, but you don’t bring it up.

Instead you place a comforting hand on his arm. 

‘Hey, its alright! Its lowkey endearing to be honest. You just managed to evoke a genuine Strider laugh. That’s an achievement in and of itself.’

Karkat breathes into his hands for a few moments more, before looking up at you with his trademark scowl. There’s joy dancing in his eyes, though.

‘Yeah, laugh it up. Its not like you know fuck all about Alternia,' he grabs your hand, and starts marching you both into the next exhibit. ‘Our old queen was like twelve feet tall.’

‘Wait, really?’ you splutter. Shit, that’s huge.

‘No. It was more like eight. But I knew you’d believe that shit – point to Vantas.’

He shoots you a cheesy victory grin, and you can’t help but mirror it. You feel like a kid again, letting all this emotion show, but you don’t really mind.

He’s still holding your hand. He doesn’t let go for the rest of the trip.

-

‘Question:’ June says, her voice cheery through your phone speaker. ‘Am I allowed to bring all of my very hot, very blue, very cool girlfriends to your very fun, very rad birthday bash?’

‘Stop saying all as though you have a hoard of girlfriends. There are two of them.’

‘You don’t know that. It’s like Schrodinger’s girlfriends. You will never know how many I have until you open the dead cat box.’

You snort loudly. You would never have thought that she could get even more obnoxious, but she always manages to reach new heights. You love her for it, though. 

‘Tragically, it is not within my power to blow up X number of air mattresses, and Rose only has the one guest room. Do you think you could somehow wrangle your infinite wifus down into a concreate, conceivable number?’

June sighs dramatically.

‘I suppose, if you want to be boring, you might say that my number of girlfriends is somewhere between one and three. However, uh,’ she suddenly gets all sheepish. ‘Things have kind of gotten a little out of control.’

‘Egbert, I am three pages deep in an excel spreadsheet of birthday planning. Metaphorically. I am not actually an excel kind of guy, but I have ordered approximately eighteen dick balloons, so you know I am not fucking around here. I do not need pranks or problems.’

‘It’s neither!’ she protests. ‘Okay, well, maybe it’s sort of the second one. See, Rezi wants to bring her Moirail, who won’t go unless he gets to bring his Matesprit, who invited her friend, who invited his, who is bringing her Moirail, too. And it all sort of spiralled and I might accidentally be bringing like. Seven people.’

You breathe in, very deeply, through your nose. You proceed to let the air out of your mouth in the form of the longest raspberry you have ever accomplished.

‘Fucks sake, June!’

‘I know! I’m sorry!’

‘I mean, I want to be mad, but I’m honestly kind of impressed that you know so many people. I’m over here playing the role of high school nerd with a maximum of two friends whilst you're off being head cheerleader. I see how it is. You’ve outgrown me, Padawan.’

June goes ‘hee hee hee’ like a cartoon villain, and you love that for her, but right now you do not need her clowning on you. Its strategy time.

‘As much as I support you and the harem anime that is your life, I really can’t fit that many people here. It wouldn’t be fair on my roommate. Plus, I wasn’t really planning on us doing all that much. I figured we’d just hang out. I mean, its going to be awesome, big strider birthday bash and all that. But like, four people seems pretty big to me, so maybe cancel all those invites.’

‘What? So now I can’t even bring Rezi and Vriska?’

‘Sorry. Girlfriend privileges have been revoked.’

‘This is homophobic.’

‘I’m gay.’

‘You’ve got me there.’

You hear her weak chuckle over the phone turn into a soft sigh and feel awful. You know she hates giving bad news.

‘Sorry, June.’

‘No, I get it. Things have just been pretty rough here, with the protests and all, and they were hoping to get to see some more of earth.’

Running a thumb nervously beneath your shades, you do your best to figure out just how awful it’s going to be having a total of…shit. A total of thirteen people in your apartment. Even as you inwardly cringe, you know the decision has already been made. Who’s a good best friend and terrible at self-care? It’s you.

‘Fine, they can come hang out. But they have to get a hotel or something. Alright?’

‘Yes! Nothing bad ever happens to the Egberts!’

Man, Karkat is going to kill you.

-

‘How many?’ Karkat splutters, dragging a hand down his face. You wince as his claws almost catch on his skin, but he’s careful enough not to hurt himself.

‘I know. I know! But what was I supposed to do?’

‘Say no. Like this. NO!’

‘Ouch, dude, my ears.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry. HOWS THIS? IS THIS BETTER? You should get used to high volumes, Strider, because we are about to have seven thousand bulge suckers stinking up our pea-sized apartment!’

‘Don’t call my friends bulge suckers! Or, actually, that might be a compliment. Is that a compliment?’

Karkat tends to run hot but, in that moment, you swear his glare could freeze the ocean. An odd, irritated chittering sound echoes from within his chest. So, it’s probably not a compliment.

‘I’m sorry, Karkat, really,’ you insist, grabbing his hand across the breakfast table. He huffs, but doesn’t pull away. ‘You don't even have to talk to any of them. You can go be an introvert in the corner with Rose if you want. She’s been dying to meet you, honestly.’

‘You…’ he frowns. ‘You told your sibling about me?’

‘Sure,' you shrug, super casually. You are the most casual. Knight of being casual.

‘Oh,’ his voice turns gentle, and he flips your hands so that his is covering yours. Unlike your own calloused palms, his are soft and comforting. ‘And she wants to meet me?’

‘Yeah dude. Who wouldn’t?’

He smiles like smoke, a wisp of a thing that only hints at the fire beneath it. You feel that familiar adoration well up inside you. At this point, you are more or less committed to just secretly loving this man forever. And then he speaks.

‘So like. Are we going to talk about what’s going on between us?’

You blink, twice. You feel like a computer that is overheating. What did he just say?

‘What did you just say?’

‘Well, uh.’ he scratches his head sheepishly, looking anywhere but at you. ‘I just feel like maybe this stopped being totally platonic a while ago, at least for me? Tell me to fuck off if I’m misreading things. But we’re both adults, and I’ve made the mistake of not communicating before so…I don’t know. Shit. Never mind.’

‘No. No!’ you scramble into an upright position, now clutching his hand with both of yours. ‘Yeah, I feel the same. Which is to say, I like you, if you like me. If that’s cool?’

‘Very cool,’ he grins.

You sit there for a moment, heart thudding. Did that really just happen? Is it that easy? You move your hands to cup them around your mouth, as though preparing to share a secret.

‘Does that mean we are boyfriends slash Matesprits?’ you whisper, urgently.

He laughs in your face, but moves his own hands to do the same.

‘You’re a fucking moron,’ he whispers back. ‘But, yes.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!!! I want to say a quick thanks to all the lovely commenters! I keep going back to reread your nice words - they mean a lot to me!!! Someone mentioned that my apostrophes are kind of hard to see, and I'm sorry about that, but its the standard for my uni work so I don't want to break the habit. I really hope it doesn't make it too difficult to read, and thanks for letting me know!!!  
> Special shout out also to the stew-enjoyers. Its very valid.
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope you are enjoying my little fic. Stay safe!  
> (psspsspss no June hate in the comments pls n thnx)


	3. Meet: Requirements for relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big Warnings For This One (Contains spoilers) : Food features heavily throughout chapter, discussion of Dave Abuse, mentions of Bro Strider, brief allusion to Dave's eye colour insecurity, discussion of Alternia and the Alternian 'justice' system, mention of the death penalty, discussion of Karkat's blood colour insecurities.
> 
> Also, quick apology for the amount of typos in these chapters. I want to go back and fix them at some point, but for now it is what it is. Enjoy!

Dating Karkat, it turns out, is a lot like not dating Karkat.

You still hang out every day, still watch movies and make jokes and eat together. You make him coffee in the morning, and he makes dinner. You split the washing up, though he moans the most, and you fold laundry together on the rare occasions that either of you can be bothered to do it at all. Maybe its not that dating him is the same as being his friend, but that you were already closer to dating that you realised.

Either way, it still feels weird to you, for a little while. Karkat is a shockingly emotional person, even though half of his rants are usually covering up something else. Its hard to decide whether he is open or mysterious, secrative or overt. He makes it hard to keep composure. You can’t decide whether you like it or not, but its new, and kind of exiting.

Still, aside from an increased amount of physical contact and the occasional cute moment, things continue the way they had before for about a fortnight.

And then…

And then you come home from work to a flat that is lit entirely by candles, and smells enticingly of spiced vanilla. You were in the middle of going through a conversation in your head, because one of the guests kept interrupting your tour with facts about Charles II that you know they got off some tv show or another, and the whole thing had left you irritated. That feeling quickly melts into confusion when you see the state of the kitchen.

‘Uh, Karkat?’

‘Shit! You weren’t meant to be home for another thirty minutes, you featherbeast-brained idiot!’

You snort, taking in the scene before you. The table has been covered in a deep purple table cloth, with a scented candle in the middle. You don’t know where Karkat got the fancy cutlery from, because you’ve definitely never seen it before, but its spread out in neat little rows around fine crockery. 

‘Dude, what is this?’

Karkat turns to look at you over his shoulder. He’s currently standing on a footstool so that he can stir one of his huge pots, and wearing a long flowy apron. You try and fail not to find it utterly endearing.

‘What the fuck does it look like?’ he grumps, blushing wildly. ‘It’s our first date.’

Against your better judgment, you mirror his blush. Shit, Strider, stay cool. You can’t though. There’s no possible way you could stay calm when Karkat steps down from his stool to present you with a small bundle of flowers. They smell amazing, though you have to lean in to get the full effect amidst Karkat’s cooking. You don’t know enough about flowers to guess at what they are, but the little white star shapes are kind of beautiful. 

‘I don’t know shit about human flower meanings,’ Karkat explains in a rush. ‘So I just got ones that looked cool.’ 

He’s shuffling his feet nervously. You stand there like an idiot, clutching the flowers, and trying to force yourself to breathe. The flowers are beautiful, and so is your apartment. He must have put in so much effort. Guilt curls in your gut.

‘Thanks, but you didn’t need to do all this for me, Karkat,’ you mutter. You try to shake off the gross feeling, applying a layer of calm over your demeanour. ‘I mean, we already know each other, right? Do we have to do the whole first date thing?’

‘Honesty, Dave, its like you don’t even pay attention to the movies we watch,’ he huffs, turning back to the stove. ‘Romance is a process. If you don’t put the effort in then the whole thing will crash and burn. Do you want our relationship to turn to ash straight off the fucking bat?’

‘No!’

‘Then go get changed, asshole!’

You stumble into your room, still pretty unsure of what’s happening, but a lot more driven than you were a minute ago. Whether he means to be or not, Karkat is a great motivational speaker, and you are suddenly certain that this date has to go well.

Which means finding something awesome to wear.

When you stumble out of your room half an hour later, you are wearing the fifth outfit you tried on. Fashion montages are no fucking joke. You eventually settled on a very simple smart-casual look. A grey blazer worn open over a black T-shirt, formal black trousers and your bright red dress shoes that secretly remind you of Lightning Mc-Queen. For the sake of effort, you throw on some rings that you usually only wear to make your fingers sparkle when you DJ. You were hoping for a few minutes in the bathroom to fix your hair, but when you walk out Karkat is already serving dinner.

He offers you a broad smile when he sees the way you are dressed, as a vague chittering sound echoes from within him. You think he likes it.

‘That’s more like it,’ he says, gesturing the table. ‘Come sit down.’

You do so, running a thumb absent-mindedly over the soft fabric of the new tablecloth. Karkat removes his apron to sit opposite you and, for the first time, you realise that he is also wearing something different. 

‘This is literally so unfair.’

‘What?’

‘Uh, I mean. You look good. Like, really fucking good. Karkat Hotman over here putting my fashion skills to shame. Who knew you owned non-jumper clothing? Not me. Well, other than the very hot tank top. Maybe it’s you that’s hot, actually. And maybe I should stop talking.’

‘Maybe you should,’ he laughs, though you can see him trying to school his expression back to his trademark scowl. ‘Honestly, you can’t start a first date with that shit, Dave. There’s an order to these things.’

You can’t help it. He really does look amazing, even though it’s nothing too extravagant. Karkat is wearing a fitted, dark grey shirt rolled up to his elbows, showing off those arms you love so much. He’s got one of those fancy collar chains, and at either end is a small version of his sign made out of silver. He’s also got a number of silver piercings along one of his long, alien ears, and has outlined his eyes with a thick liner. You were under the impression that trolls weren’t into fashion, but apparently that was wrong, because you feel extremely outmatched.

You briefly wonder how much of your life is just going to be noticing and re-noticing how attractive Karkat is.

‘Go on then, Karkat, master of romance. How is a first date meant to go?’

‘Well, you need candles, atmosphere, and food,’ he checks each item off an imaginary checklist in the air, and then gestures to your plate. ‘It’s brie and cranberry on toast, to start, and I’ve got a pasta-bake in for the main course. Desert is vanilla mouse and dark chocolate sponge cake.’

‘You are a literal hero,’ you whisper, reverently. ‘Master Chef Alternia here he comes, the chef of a generation. Seriously, dude, if I could cook like this I would be kicking Gordon Ramsey’s sweet little ass all the way to the sun and back. Is Gordon Ramsey the MasterChef one? Doesn’t matter. Your cooking is like, legendary, so facts don’t even matter.’

‘Yeah? Well, I’m glad you like it,’ he says. ‘Although you literally haven’t eaten any yet.’

In response, you tuck in readily. Its really good, even though the starter is basically fancy cheese on toast. You love cheese on toast, so its valid. Whilst you eat, Karkat starts to talk again. He sounds vaguely nervous.

‘So I figured, you know, we sort of know each other okay but, we did kind of just dive into this. I mean, I’ve known you for six months. We completely skipped the endless pining stage that any good romance novel has. So, I’m taking charge. I’ve made a masterful plan.’

To be honest, that’s kind of a relief to hear. You aren’t the most experienced dude and the sudden shift in your relationship had made you panic a bit. You know that some change is good but, well, it rarely feels like it.

‘Alright man, lay that leadership on me. What’s the plan?’

‘Uh, its kind of obvious, Dave. This is a first date. So, we are going to do a bunch of shitty getting-to-know-you questions. Ones that are more useful than that roommate questionnaire. I mean, seriously, why did you ask for my favourite colour? Why would you need to know something so fucking moronic?’

‘If I remember correctly, that’s the exact answer you gave at the time.’

‘And I stand by it. Anyway, I’ll get your list.

Karkat takes away the starter plates and heads over to the kitchen island, grabbing a sheet of paper and passing it to you. You’re pretty sure first dates aren’t meant to be this structured, but he’s being so adorable right now that you can’t quite bring yourself to tease him. You file it away for later teasing fuel, instead, and let your eyes wander down the list as Karkat dishes up the main meal. These questions, unlike the random ones you found online, seem very intentional. 

‘Okay, whoa. There’s a lot on here. Did you write these yourself?’

‘N-no! Well, not most of them,’ he sits across from you, trying and failing to maintain a poker face. ‘I got some of them from movies and books, and a couple from my friend Eridan. Don’t worry about it. Just read.’

‘Sure. I guess I’ll just go first. What are your hobbies?’

‘Oh, you aren’t going in order?’

‘Nah, dude, I’m a rebel. Go on Vantas, hobbies.’

‘Reading, writing, cooking,’ he lists, diligently. ‘Now, Dave, do y-’

‘Nope, try again.’

‘What?’

‘Come on dude, this our first date, remember? If I didn’t know shit about you, I’d need a little more than that.’

Karkat looks suddenly very flustered. You get the feeling he’d prepared all his answers beforehand.

‘Alright, Dave, you think I can’t recognise a challenge when I see one? I enjoy reading romance books, though most of what I write is horror fiction. I try to write more cutesy stuff but it never really works out. I also have a passion for cooking.’

‘Oh, that’s very interesting. Where did you learn to cook?’ you ask, leaning into it. You rest your head on your hand and fix him with your dreamiest expression. You think your shades probably lessen the effect, but whatever.

‘I had a lot of free-time when I got to earth, and I wasn’t in a very good place. I needed a way to pass the time without going outside. Plus, I had pretty high-standards about food at that point. So I learnt to cook.’

‘You taught yourself?’ you ask, surprise genuine. ‘That’s super impressive.’

‘Thanks,’ he grins. ‘Okay, my turn. Dave, what’s a skill you have that always surprises people?’

You have to think about that one. You're pretty proud of your mixing skills, but you DJ openly so its not really a surprise. You think its kind of cool that you can skateboard but, again, your aesthetic lends itself to this. In the end, there’s only really one answer.

‘I can swordfight.’

‘Really?’ he leans in. ‘I didn’t know that.’

‘Yeah,’ you shrug. You try to elaborate. It occurs to you that now would be a pretty good time to fill him in on some stuff, but your throat closes up. 

You really want to tell him. You trust him, and you want him to know. But talking about it is never easy. So, you try a different angle.

‘Ask me about my childhood.’

‘Dave, that’s not how this works.’

‘Trust me. Please?’

He carefully puts his list aside, realising that this is serious. That doesn’t help the nervous churning in your stomach.

‘Dave, where did you grow up?’

‘Here. Well, Texas. I mean, its big place, but I moved around enough that I can’t really say I’m from any specific part of it. I was raised by– by my bro. He wasn’t exactly a pleasant dude. He taught me to swordfight. I'm pretty good at it, now, but its not something I ever wanted to learn. He didn't let me go out much, but he was always telling me about the war. About how I needed to be prepared.’

Your heart thunders in your chest, as you inwardly beg him to understand. This really isn’t something you ever talk about. Karkat is nodding, slowly, fork abandoned as he takes this in.

‘Shit, okay. So, when did you move out?’

‘He got arrested. Bro…was doing some bad shit. I never really looked into it, but he got caught so I. Uh, I technically moved in with my cousin, Dirk. Except he was fighting the invasion, so to be honest I barely saw him. That’s when I met Rose. My family tree is kind of complicated, but we are basically siblings. We moved out together as soon as we were old enough.’

Karkat's eyes are big and sad. He reaches a hand across and you grasp it tightly. This has quickly become a gesture of comfort between the two of you, and you hold it like a lifeline. Its almost like every other time you’ve needed his support, like after a bad day at work or an argument with Rose. You can almost pretend you didn’t just unfold yourself in front of him. You hold your breath and wait for his judgement.

‘I am so, so sorry Dave,’ he says, voice clear and honest. ‘You didn’t deserve that. I mean, not that anyone deserves that, but you are genuinely one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. I’m glad you got out of there. Also, your bro sounds like a dick.’

Your chest seizes, and you squeeze his hand tightly. Tears threaten to overflow, but you do your best to blink them away. You don’t know what to say. Or, rather, there about a billion things that you want to say, but none of them seem to fit. His words bounce around your head, feeling wrong and perfect all at once. Never mind deserving bro. Fuck, what did you do to deserve Karkat?

‘Thank you,’ you mutter, eventually. ‘I, uh. I guess it’s my turn to ask a question.’

‘We don’t have to if you don’t want –'

‘No. I mean, it’s a great plan, Karkat. Working well so far. I’d say you know me a little better. Um, same question. How was growing up on Alternia?’

Karkat freezes. Sighs. Runs a hand down his face. You find yourself tuned in to his every movement, these days. You’re always pretty aware of how people are moving, but instead of the usual anxiety that follows sharp movements, you are just fascinated by Karkat. You don’t know when it happened but, on some level, you trust him not to hurt you.

‘We are really laying everything out right now, aren’t we?’ Karkat chuckles. ‘Yeah, I guess its only fair. I kind of thought we’d start with something a little easier, but I suppose you should know.’

‘This doesn’t have to be a tit-for-tat thing. If you want, I can ask a different question.’

‘No. No, I think its better if you know. Can you tell me what you've heard about the Hemospectrum?’

‘Sure,’ you nod. ‘It goes rust, orange, green, blue, purple, pink. Right?’

You try not interpreting Karkat’s smile as condescending, but it is very condescending. He might as well be saying ‘Oh, honey’ and patting you on the head.

‘That's close,’ he says. ‘But its more complicated. In actuality, it goes: rust, bronze, gold, olive, jade, teal, blue, indigo, purple, violet, fuchsia. That list is ingrained into the head of every roll at a young age. Our culture, class system and way of life are all based around the Hemospectrum. Rust bloods live short, terrible lives, whereas the seadwellers at the other end of the spectrum live in luxury. The new empress is doing her best to undo that, but its no easy feat.’ 

You nod, trying your best to understand.

‘Okay, so you were down the lower end? Shit, dude, that must have been hard.’

‘What? Oh, no. I’m not a rust blood,’ he laughs bitterly. ‘I wish. No, I’m red blooded. I’m not on the Hemospectrum.’

‘Hold up. I didn’t think that was an option.’

‘It was not an option,' he's breathing heavily, and having some trouble speaking. You wince sympathetically. 'It was a crime. Having a mutant blood colour was punishable by death. I spent a lot of time hiding from drones and neighbours, all because of the disgusting colour flowing through me. Red’

His words hang heavy in the air over you. You swallow hard. Your mouth feels like its full of sand. Did you hear that right? You knew Alternia was awful but…shit. Karkat clearly has some issues with the colour red, and you don’t blame him, but you find yourself reaching up to check that your shades are still in place. Just in case.

‘Kind of pitiable, right?’ he says, clearly trying to joke. ‘Can you believe anyone could be this weak? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I was actually a lot luckier than some people. Especially after…well, that’s a whole other thing. But my lusus was kind, and I had a comfortable hive in a safe-ish location. I had good friends. My childhood was mostly boring. Uneventful. I couldn’t really go outside much so, you know.’

He trails off, eyes looking anywhere but at you. He looks like he expects you to be mad. You want to do anything to wipe that frightened look off his face.

‘I’m so glad you’re alive,’ you blurt. You don’t really think it through, just start talking. ‘I’m so, so glad. You’re the best thing to happen to me in years and you could have…Karkat. Karkat listen, you are so precious, okay? Whatever those assholes said isn’t true. You’re perfect.’

He brings your hand up to his forehead, and holds it there, breathing deeply. This conversation has taken a lot out of both of you. For a long moment, you just sit there, each content to be in the others company.

‘So,’ he says, eventually. ‘Desert?’

-

‘Woah, cute jumper!’

Karkat comes out of his room in a raggedy maroon jumper, sleeves stretched out over his hands. It looks worn, like he’s had it for ages, but you’ve never seen it before. The weirdest part is that it doesn’t seem to have his sign anywhere on it. This is the first time you’ve seen him without it. He’s also brushed his hair, polished his horns, and made some attempt at concealing his eyebags. Honestly, he looks great, but pretty uncomfortable. He’s clearly worried.

‘Shut up!’ he says, and then ‘does it look okay?’

‘It looks great. You didn’t have to dress up, though.’

‘You said there are trolls coming, so I sort of did,’ he shrugs helplessly. ‘Actually, forget I said that. Pretend I said anything else. Something like: wow Dave, you’ve done a great job decorating!’

You laugh at that, cataloguing his little slip up amongst your hoard of Karkat mysteries. Everyday, you feel like you get another clue. His fear of other trolls is clearly a blood colour thing, which is fair, but you sometimes get the idea that there's more to it. You want to ask him about it, at some point, but you figure that an hour before your guests start arriving is not the right time.

‘Yeah? I’m glad you like it. You don’t think there are too many dick balloons?’ you ask, slightly teasing.

He glances around the room as though appraising it. You’ve done a pretty good job, if you do say so yourself. You’ve pushed the breakfast table up against the wall and covered it in enough snacks to feed an army. You know they will be good, because Karkat helped make most of them. Cheese and pineapple sticks, mini quiches, chips and dips – a classic party spread. The coffee table is similarly covered, except for a clear spot in the middle. June is bringing a cake her dad made, as is tradition. 

You’ve draped Christmas tinsel over every other surface, including the chairs. You tell yourself its ironic but you really just enjoy the way it sparkles. Then, of course, there are the balloons. Some of them are phallic, but you also got a bunch of those little green alien ones that light up. Then you have the SpongeBob birthday balloon, the Cinderella balloon, and the sweet sixteen balloon that is about nine years too late. It’s a masterpiece.

‘This place looks like it was thrown up on by several mythical horned musclebeasts.’ Karkat says brightly. He shuffles over and pulls you down onto the couch. ‘You think I made too much food?’

‘Of course not,’ you smile at him.

Karkat leans on your shoulder, and you are immediately both elated and overwhelmed. From what you can tell, Karkat at least has a little relationship experience, but you haven’t dated anyone since college. You hadn’t even realised that just confessing your feelings outright was an option, until Karkat blew you away by that outstanding revelation. 

You're pretty sure the first few weeks of a relationship are meant to be a bit awkward, though, so you remind yourself not to feel too guilty as you squash the panic to settle an arm around him. You love his company, and he seems to care about you. That’s the important shit.

Karkat startles badly when the doorbell rings.

‘They’re early,’ he squeaks.

‘Relax, it’s probably just Rose,’ you untangle your arm so that you can face him. ‘She doesn’t really perceive time the way other people do.’

‘The future bends to my will,’ announces Rose, flinging the front door open dramatically. 

‘Told you so.’ 

You stand up and move to hug her. This is a habit enforced by Jade over the years, as neither you were really raised for physical affection. Still, she returns it briefly, then pulls away and smiles at you.

‘Its been too long,’ she says, ruffling your hair.

‘I saw you last week. We got ice cream.’ you snort. ‘Where’s Kanaya?’

Karkat makes a weird choking noise behind you as you move to help rose with her coat.

‘Oh, she’s on her way. She didn’t want to take the elevator with me. I think she’s annoyed that I asked her to play nice at the party.’ She sighs, pauses, then turns to you with a weird look in her eye. ‘You know, Kanaya thinks she might know some of them.’

‘W-wait.’ Karkat intervenes, rising to his feet and stumbling towards the two of you. He almost knocks the coffee table over in his haste. ‘Did you say Kanaya? Kanaya Maryam?’

Rose looks taken aback, and glances to you for guidance. You shrug back at her, just as surprised by this turn of events. In your head, you were already mentally preparing for the part of the conversation where you would introduce your new boyfriend to your sister. Instead, Karkat is staring at her, wide-eyed, as though she just slapped him.

It is at this moment that Kanaya walks through the door.

‘My apologies, Dave, but the stairs were- oh. Karkat.’

Kanaya stares at Karkat. Karkat stares at her. You and Rose stare at both of them, then at each other.

‘Perhaps, brother, you should put the kettle on,’ Rose says delicately, swiping a mini muffin from the table as she sweeps into the room. ‘It seems we will have plenty to talk about.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tah dahhhhh!  
> I keep looking at all the lovely comments like WHAT THE HECK!!!
> 
> Its a small detail, but I want to talk about the purple tablecloth real quick. I like to think about the little things that would be different in Alternian culture, and I think colour meanings would be vastly different to our own. Red is often associated with love in some parts of our word, but Ii can't imagine it would have any positive connotations on Alternia. Similarly, pink/fuchsia would be such a revered colour it would be weird to have it on a table cloth - particularly if blood is used as Dye on Alternia. I settled on purple, as a middle-ground, as the associations with power/luxury/faith might make it a desirable/romantic colour for trolls!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Complication: old friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I should finish writing the whole thing before I post another chapter.  
> Also Me: Woops here is another chapter.  
> I really should be working on assignments but OH WELL WARNING TIME.
> 
> Warnings (contain spoilers): Violence, panic attack (described in second person so PLEASE be careful), discussions of war/revolution, mentions of Alternia, general sad stuff, BIG references to Dave's trauma/youth so again be careful. Oh, and swearing. Lots.   
> Just a gentle reminder to take care of yourselves and not to use fanfiction as a guide for mental health stuff! Panic attacks can be really serious and vary in intensity, so use professional sources to educate yourself if you need to. This fic gets a little dark, so if at any point its upsetting you too much, please stop reading. Stay safe out there, everyone!

You hover awkwardly at the edge of the makeshift tea party. With the table already in use, you all sit in a circle on stools stolen from the kitchen counter. Karkat is hunched over his mug, breathing heavily, eyes fixed on his coffee. Kanaya, for her part, has not stopped staring at Karkat. Neither has said a word. The tension is thick and, frankly, you hate every second of it.

Across from you, Rose shrugs heavily, pulling a face that might be comical in a different situation. You think she wants you to say something, but you don’t know what. Karkat’s great, but you’ve known him for less than a year. This doesn’t really feel like something you can intervene on.

Finally, Kanaya speaks up. Her tone is low and serious. She looks genuinely, terrifyingly, angry.

‘Were you here the whole time?

‘No. No, I was with Gamzee.’ Karkat replies, immediately. His hands are shaking but his voice does not waver.

‘I suppose that makes sense. He’s been looking for you.’ 

Karkat looks sad but not surprised. Kanaya sighs heavily, finally wrenching her gaze from him to stir her tea. She looks like a coiled spring. You just keep waiting for the fighting to start. 

‘And you?’ Karkat asks, sounding a little hopeful. ‘You’ve been doing well?’

‘I have been doing very well. No thanks to you.’

‘Hey!’ you interrupt, and then question why on earth you did that. ‘Lets, uh. Let’s keep things friendly, okay?’

Both Kanaya and Karkat turn to glare at you.

‘We aren’t friends.' Kanaya says, simply. ‘I refuse to be friends with traitors.’

‘Look, Kanaya-‘ Karkat protests, but she holds up a hand.

‘Do you truly believe you deserve the chance to explain yourself?’ even as she speaks so cruelly, you can tell its hurting her.

Karkat opens his mouth, then closes it again. He says nothing.

‘Kanaya!’ Rose gasps, shock clear on her face. ‘I would ask you not to be so disrespectful in my brother’s home.’

‘Your brother is housing a man who singlehandedly prolonged the war. He is responsible for countless deaths.’ Kanaya fixes Karkat with a look that you think would make you shrivel up and die. You expect him to start yelling, to swear at her until she takes back everything she just said.

He doesn’t. Karkat levels her with an equally forceful glare, but refutes none of it. Your breath catches heavily in your throat. That…can’t be true. The war that shook the earth. The one that robbed you of a childhood, and almost took Dirk from you entirely. Karkat wouldn’t want anything to do with that.

Karkat likes bad movies, and swears at his word document when he writes. He’s often aggressive, sure, but never violent. You're about to ask him what she means, what he could have possibly done, when Kanaya once again speaks.

‘You should go.’

‘This is my apartme-‘

‘The others will be here soon.’

Karkat looks up at her in panic, eyes wide and fearful.

‘What? Did you call them? I never meant-‘

‘No, Karkat. They will be here for the party. Sollux has told me that a number of them will be coming.’

‘Oh, well that’s fucking fantastic,’ Karkat curses. ‘Perfect, just my fucking luck. Where the shit am I supposed to go?’

His volume is finally rising back up to Karkat levels, and you are unsure whether or not be relieved. A strange expression crosses Kanaya’s face. In all the time you’ve known her, she’s been a certain and steady person. Now, she seems completely conflicted. With pain in her eyes, Kanaya stands, elegantly setting down her mug.

‘With me.’ she sighs. ‘Let’s go.’

‘Kanaya, no.’ says Rose, sounding upset. ‘You said you’d stay.’

‘The situation has changed. I will explain later,’ Kanaya softens for a moment, placing a hand lovingly against Rose’s cheek. ‘My deepest apologies, Rose.’

Rose still looks upset, and says nothing.

Karkat has also gone quiet, and has the expression of someone doing some very, very quick math. You feel the same to be honest. If that clown turns out to be one of June's friends, then there’s no fucking way you are letting him in here. You think you trust Kanaya, but after everything that just happened, you don’t know. This is all a lot of information to take in.

‘Are you sure, Kanaya?’ Karkat finally says. ‘I mean, after everything...’

‘After your betrayal, you mean,’ she says, flatly.

‘Okay, that’s enough.’ Karkat swallows hard, a hint of his endless anger finally showing through. ‘I didn't exactly have a lot of fucking options. What should I have done, Kanaya?'

'Stayed,' she snarls. 'You should have stayed.'

'Oh, sure. Sure, I could have done that. Except I would have fucking died!'

‘I would not have allowed that to happen!’ she yells, suddenly, a storm raging every word. Seeing Kanaya shout is like watching a teacup shatter. She is usually so composed. You have never seen Kanaya this upset. Even Rose looks surprised. You get a feeling that, after spending so much time with a loving seamstress, you are finally getting a glimpse of the ruthless revolutionary.

The trolls stare at eachother, and there is an ocean of history that surrounds them. You have no hope of even getting close. They are untouchable, locking eyes and communicating more with a look that you could ever think to say. You have no idea how well they knew eachother. You aren’t sure you want to know.

‘You will follow me, Karkat, or you will stay here and face the consequences of your actions,’ she beings to walk towards the door. ‘I will not offer a third time.’

He scrambles to his feet and nods, once, before hurrying after her. Just before he reaches the door, you stand up and follow. It’s not really a conscious decision.

‘Wait, Karkat!' you yell, and then hesitate.

What are you going to say? That your birthday is more important? That you're mad at him for not explaining what’s going on? That you really, really wanted him to meet your friends and it’s all ruined and you’re kind of overwhelmed?

Or maybe you just want to know if he's really the monster Kanaya says he is. Maybe you need to know if you were wrong to trust him.

‘Don’t leave me,’ you say instead. 

Karkat looks back at you, sadly, but does not return to your side.

‘Happy Birthday, Dave,’ he whispers. ‘I’ll be back soon.’

-

The party is, on the surface, pretty awesome.

June’s friends arrive in a hoard, filling up every space and blasting music from your sound system louder than you thought it could go. You had planned on DJing a little later, but by the looks of things, even suggesting it would be dangerous. A number of them argue almost constantly over the choice of music, and in the end you never hear more than half of each song.

Seeing June again is like a breath of fresh air, and you hug her so hard you worry she’s going to break. The cake she brought is an amazing coffee-fudge monstrosity, covered in tiny chocolate stars. After your first bite you have to hug her again – it’s just that good.

Reuniting with Jade is just as amazing. Its been harder to keep in touch with her since she started travelling, but you know its worth it the second you lay eyes on her. She’s beaming, so much happier than the lonely girl you met before, and she bounds up to you with unmatched enthusiasm. You spend a good half of the party just catching up with her, and it’s a welcome reprieve from all the drama.

You never quite forget, though.

The shadow of today’s events hangs heavy over your head, even as you try your best to be a good host. If Karkat wants to go off in a strop, that his business. You try to remind yourself that you had nothing to do with that mess, but you know it isn’t really true. Even though you are mad at him, you are horribly worried at the same time.

At one point, Jade breaks off from the conversation to go catch up with Rose, and leaves you alone at your own birthday party. It’s probably weird how few people here you know. Idly, you wonder if you should have invited your cousin, but he probably would have brought his own entourage, leaving you further outnumbered. Plus, Rose moved in with Dirk first, so even he knows her better than you. How sad is that? At your own birthday party, surrounded by people, you feel incredibly lonely. Deep down you know there's only one person you really want to see. The fact that he isn't here makes you bitter enough that you almost hate him for it.

A quick retreat to the snack table is definitely in order. You try not to look too miserable as you sadly chomp on a mini apple pie that Karkat made for you.

‘Hey. I’m Terezi.’

You jump, badly. The girl who is suddenly beside you has sharp horns and a pair of pointed shades that are just a little too familiar for comfort. She brandishes a cane like a weapon, and leans against the food table as if she owns the place.

‘Oh, uh, hey.’

‘Don’t worry. There’s a lot of trolls here, so I don’t expect you to learn everyone’s name. Just mine.’

She shoots you this wicked grin, all sharp angles and wild eyes. You immediately like her.

‘That’s good, because you are literally the only one so far to introduce yourself,’ you tell her. ‘You’re June’s matesprit?’

‘I’m her girlfriend, Vriska is her matesprit. She’s my Kismesis,’ she smiles again, and it’s the exact same look June gets when she’s beings mischievous. She very quickly begins to point to people. ‘That’s my Moirail, Sollux, and his Matesprit, Aradia. Then there’s Tavros, and the Meowrails, Nepeta and Equius.’

You blink rapidly beneath your shades. That’s…a lot of people. With everything else going on in your head right now you have no hope of keeping track. You get the feeling she knows that and is enjoying it.

‘Right. Cool. I’m going to remember none of that.’

‘Like I said, you only really need to remember me,’ a dark expression falls suddenly over her angular features. ‘Now that my introductions are out of the way, would you like to begin yours?’

The way she’s looking at you strikes a fire somewhere buried in your brain. She’s giving off a completely different energy to her previous light-hearted demeanour. The way the light reflects off her pointed glasses as she glares at you, her body tense as though preparing to strike, her smile fake and temporary…you step back, involuntarily. You reach for a sword that isn’t there. 

Then you swallow hard, and shake yourself. Take a few deep breaths. Terezi watches you, curiously.

‘R-right. Right, well. There’s Rose, my sister, and Ja-‘

‘No.’

‘Pardon?’

Terezi laughs like glass breaking. She takes a step closer to you, and you know you aren’t imagining the threat in her posture now. You glance helplessly around for support but nobody else has noticed. What the fuck is happening? You start inching towards your nearest hidden weapon.

‘I know the humans. I want you to reintroduce me to the troll that lives here. Karkat. I can smell him.’

You barely register her words, having only a moment to pick up on how weird she’s being, because you are completely focused on the way she is moving. Both her hands are on her cane now, one on the handle, and you know all at once that she’s got a concealed weapon. 

She has a sword, and she’s threatening you with it.

As you were trained, you act without thinking. You retreat a few steps to the sofa, and withdraw the sword you keep hidden down the back. Someone, whoever was sitting there, makes a startled noise. You barely hear it. You fall into a defensive stance, blood rushing in your ears, chest rising and falling in heavy, stuttering bursts. Its all muscle movement, all practice, no decision making necessary. The speed with which you move without a plan is almost comfortable.

Your target looks surprised, though it is mostly hidden by her pointed shades. Still, she draws her own sword from within the cane. The moment you see the glint of shining metal, you move to strike.

The clash is familiar. You move quickly and silently, using the terrain to your advantage as you corner your opponent against the table. It doesn’t faze her. She pushes back just as hard, almost breaking through your defences on several occasions. You brace for pain that does not come. She seems to be hesitant to actually hurt you.

There’s a lot of yelling, from somewhere. You cannot focus on it. You move entirely on instinct, until you do not even know who you are fighting. Your chest has started to burn, but you do not falter. You strike, again and again. It terrifies you.

And then there is someone in your way.

‘Dave!’ she says sternly, hands on your face. ‘Hey, do you hear me?’

You swallow hard. Your heart is thudding. Aren’t you… weren’t you in danger? You need to move. You have to move, fast.

‘It’s okay. You’re okay. Shit – Jade, grab his sword.’

‘On it!’

Your hand opens and closes reflexively. Your weapon is gone. That’s- that’s not good. You need that. You feel the floor beneath you before you realise you have crumpled to your knees. Did she stab you? Are you hurt?

‘Come on, Dave, you’re fine. You need to start breathing, okay?’

That sounds like a good idea, though you don’t really know when you stopped. Rose’s hands around your elbows are firm as she begins counting for you. You hear yelling, and glance sharply up at the noise. June and Terezi are in some kind of argument. 

‘He’s the one who attacked me. I just wanted to find Karkat!’

‘You don’t bring a sword to a birthday party, Terezi!’

That name…Karkat? He’s important. Where is he? Rose clicks her fingers in front of your face.

‘No. Down here, Dave. Focus on me, Okay?’

Rose starts counting again, and you do your best to breathe along with her. You feel exhausted in the depths of your bones, and have to keep glancing over your shoulder to check there’s no one there.

Somehow, you can’t help but feel like you’ve failed.

-

When you finally wake up, memory unfurls itself very slowly. Like a computer warming up, the world is just noise and colour until you can get your bearings.

The swordfight floats into your mind, and you can’t help but groan. Fuck, it’s been years since you’ve lost your cool like that. Usually it would take way more than a vague threat to set off your muscle memory but, shit, you were not in a good place. Not after everything that happened with Karkat. And when you get all fighty, you get all panicky, and..ugh. Its way too easy to see how everything went downhill, and you don’t like it.

You haul yourself upright to catch your breath. Your chest still hurts, and you have a feelings its gonna be a long while before you stop being tired. Still, you don’t seem actively injured, so that’s good. Its still dark, though. Only then do you realise what woke you up. Voices, from the living room. You vaguely remember hearing the door slam shut so maybe someone left. Or maybe, maybe, someone came home.

Moving silently to your bedroom door is effortless. You press your ear to the wood and listen.

‘…didn’t even come with you?’

The voice is soft, but firm. Intelligent. Rose.

‘Sorry. I barely saw her. She dumped me in the spare respiteblock and told me not to touch anything. Then, when I left, she threatened to kill me if I came back. A touching reunion.’

The voice is rough and emotional. Tired. Karkat.

You hear your sister sigh very deeply. You can imagine her rubbing at her temples like she always does when she’s stressed.

‘I don’t even know what to say. I was thought I was going to be the one to threaten you tonight. I was hoping to stop you from hurting my brother. It seems that ship has already set sail.’

‘What? Why would I hurt Dave?’ Karkat whisper-shouts. ‘You don’t even know me.’

‘I don’t. But, evidently, Kanaya does. I wish I had known that before I brought her here,’ she sighs again. ‘What on earth did you do, Vantas? I know Kanaya. She is not needlessly violent, and she is fiercely loyal. What could you have possibly done to incur such wrath?’

In the long silence that follows, you are horribly aware of the beating of your own heart. You definitely, definitely should not be eavesdropping. If watching all of Karkat’s movies has taught you anything, its that this is a playground for miscommunication and a breakdown of trust. Maybe you would take your own advice and walk away from the door, if you weren’t so mad at him.

If you weren’t so desperate to hear his answer.

But Karkat does not answer. After a painful stretch of quiet, Rose speaks again.

‘You know, silence does not cover up many crimes. I am going to go ahead and assume that you were involved in the invasion. That you fought against both earth, and freedom on Alternia.’

‘I don’t give a shit what you assume.’

‘I cannot say I completely agree with Kanaya’s hatred of all invading trolls. I have studied the situation on Alternia, and believe it to be incredibly complicated,’ there is a shifting sound, and some footsteps. Did she stand up? ‘That said, I will stand firmly with my girlfriend. If she believes you are not to be trusted, then I will side with her. So, you will be careful not to cross me or my brother. Do you understand?’

‘You know what? Fine. Sure. Join the fucking line, random human, because you haven’t got shit on me,’ Karkat’s words are ragged at the edges, but he soldiers through. ‘I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but I have been threatened by worse. I have been through worse. Know that I am not exaggerating when I say that there is not a single troll on this planet who likes me. So keep your fucking threats.’

There is a loud crash, then the sound of scraping metal. It doesn’t sound like a sword, but you never got any indication that Karkat fights with one. Rose certainly doesn’t. For all you know, though, Karkat is some kind of weapons master. In this moment, you feel a cold certainty that you know nothing about him.

‘Heh. I’m almost impressed. I’m not, though.’ More footsteps. ‘You should know that there was an incident today. Dave had to retrieve one of his hidden weapons. He got into a sword fight with Terezi.'

‘He – what? Fuck! I should have been here. He needed me.’

Rose makes a soft clicking noise with her tongue. Karkat makes a chittering sound back.

‘No, he didn’t. Dave always has me, and his friends. He has never, and will never, need someone like you,’ she has that dangerous edge to her voice now. Darkness creeping in. ‘That said, I will never forgive your absence.’

The front door slams shut.

For the first time, you hear Karkat cry. It is not a slow realisation. Almost as soon as it shuts, you hear it. Heaving gasps, and painful whimpers. His sobs are loud, and he clearly knows it, because pretty soon they become muffled by something. You don’t go and comfort him.

All this time, you figured you were protecting Karkat by not asking about the war. You figured it was his business, and he had a right to privacy. Only now does it occur to you that, deep down, you already knew the answer. 

Revolutionary trolls do not hide in Texas and never leave the house. Karkat was part of the invasion, and you knew all along.

You just never asked, never acknowledged it, because you wanted to believe it was something you could look past. But you remember how obsessed bro was with the invasion. You remember how Dirk used to come home, injured and alone. The look in Kanaya’s eyes when she talks about the atrocities committed by the old empress. With dawning horror, you realise that you are not as forgiving as you would like to be. You do not know how you are going to move forward from this.

You do not go and comfort Karkat. And, when you start crying too, he does not comfort you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooo things are getting sad up in this bitch!
> 
> ALSO @ ALL Y’ALL LEAVING NICE COMMENTS – THANKS!!!!! Seriously the response to this fic has been so nice and sweet. I don’t even know what to say cos like? I usually don’t reply to comments individually (it makes me nervous asdfgj sorry) BUT there are so many really thoughtful, kind messages and even THEORIES of where this is going and it makes me feel many emotions. Life is WEIRD rn but y’all are out here validating me and I'm really grateful okay so THANKS!!! Thank you!!!!


	5. Achievement: Explanation obtained

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings (contain spoilers): big argument, people saying mean things, mentions of trauma, major discussion of war, discussion and depiction of execution, pesterlogues, epistolary content, discussion and depiction of brainwashing/mind control, references to the whole helmsman thing, food mention, sickness mention, swearing, Hemocaste inequality/hemophobia. Is Gamzee a waning? Gamzee mention.

The living room is empty when you get up again.

Well, empty of people, at least. The room is a mess, though you get the sense that Rose made some attempt at tidying it. Your sister is skilled at a lot of things, but cleaning is not one of them. The sink his piled high with a selection of both real and paper plates. There are strands of broken tinsel lying sadly on the floor, and half deflated balloons drifting around the room. There are long scratches on the wall where you caught it with your sword. You’ll have to cover them up, but it’s okay. You’ve gotten pretty good at that.

You drink coffee until it is light outside, burn some toast and eat it anyway. Karkat does not join you for breakfast. You do not see him all morning. You try not to let it bother you, and wait at the table. You can be patient if you need to be.

At around 08:30, messages start coming through. A handful of Trollian requests, which you pointedly ignore, and some Pesterchum notifications from your friends. You open June’s first, because she gets best friend privileges.

EB: i’m so, so sorry!

EB: terezi says she’s sorry too but honestly I’m still pretty mad at her. i shouldn’t have brought so many people though and I totally messed everything up.

EB: i hope you are doing okay! let me know if there’s aaaaaaaanything I can do. literally anything. i’m here for you, dave.

TG: yeah like not gonna lie things are pretty messed up right now but I appreciate the apology

TG: and dw like im not really mad at you but more at the whole situation you know it’s pretty messed up

EB: it is! i wasn’t going to say anything about it since I didn’t want to upset you, but I sort of thought your new boyfriend would be there! that’s who terezi was looking for, right?

TG: i think so

TG: did you tell her

EB: i did, but now I’m sort of getting the feeling I shouldn’t have. is another egbert brand apology in order?

TG: nah I don’t think so

TG: to be honest I feel like I should apologise for ruining all the fun

TG: what happened after my totally kickass sword demonstration

EB: you definitely don’t need to apologise! just take it easy today. and you didn’t miss much. jade helped me herd everyone out and get them where they needed to be. i’m going to do my best to stop them from bothering you today.

TG: you are literally the best

EB: i know! :B

EB: there is one other thing though. vriska wants me to send you this picture. she seems to think it’s pretty important, but that’s usually not a good sign.

EctoBiologist sent an attachment!

TG: aright ill check it out

TG: talk to you later.

Man, talking to June always makes you feel better. You are almost able to stop waiting for Karkat’s bedroom door to swing open. For a moment, you might have convinced yourself that you’d forgotten the whole thing entirely.  
And then you open the picture, to see Karkat staring up at you.

It’s a poster. All the text is written in Alternian, so you don’t even try to read it. Something about the image immediately hits you as wrong, though. It’s definitely a photo of Karkat, but he’s not…himself. His eyes are dull and lifeless as he stares out at you, his expression completely neutral. There’s no emotion there, at all, which is something you’ve never seen on his expressive face. 

‘Who the fuck even are you?’ you whisper at the picture. 

Obviously, it doesn’t respond, and Karkat is still in his room.

‘Coward,’ you add, bitterly.

You have never felt so confused in your life. Hesitantly, you open up Jade’s messages, too.

GG: hey dave!!! i really hope you are doing okay after yesterday. that was super scary :(

GG: scary because I was worried about you, of course, not because I was frightened of you. i'm still worried!!! 

GG: i asked rose for some details, and it seems like you’ve gotten yourself caught up in a lot of mess. i hope you don't mind, but i did a little research for you using an alternian browser I recently gained access to.

GG: i used a translation software, but it worked okay! i don’t think you’ll like it, to be honest, but i am here if you need me! :)

GardenGnostic has sent an attachment!

For a moment, you consider not opening it. You try to remind yourself of all the good times you’ve had with Karkat, but they feel somehow tainted. His conversation with Rose from the night before keeps echoing in your mind, the picture of his expressionless face still fresh in your memory. Do you really owe him anything, after he kept so much from you? Is it even safe to have him in the apartment?

Anger does not suit you, and it stings where it rests in the pit of your stomach. Quickly you send Jade a quick thanks, then you open the article Jade sent you, and read.

**Article from the Signless Signpost, and underground newsletter for revolutionaries, titled ‘Justice for the Betrayer’  
** _Following the recent success of the rebellion, concerned Alternian’s have been turning to its leaders for guidance in this terrifying time. Though the new Empress promises unity, there are still those of us who refuse to trust any filthy fuchsia blood. The corruption of the royal line knows no bounds and, as such, we call upon our brave leaders to lead us once again. They insist that Empress Feferi is a fair ruler and that we should assume she is the best hope for peace.  
However, only a sweep ago, there was a different assumption. For new readers and rebels alike, it is worth explaining the tragic tale of our true leader, the Signless. Long ago, a mutant-blood rose up to kill the old empress, and came closer than anyone else. He was after sweeps of success, brutally executed. From the seeds of his words, our own rebellion grew strong.  
When his ancestor was found, Karkat Vantas, we all assumed he would lead us into the light. The second Signless. It was said that he and his followers would take Alternia into an age of peace. No doubt, some of you will remember the wonderful speeches he gave as he grew our small rebellion into a full-on revolution.  
You will also remember how he turned on us.  
Karkat Vantas, the face of the empire. Karkat Vantas, the throne’s pet. Karkat Vantas, the betrayer. When he abandoned his people, so too did the false believers leave. He split our forces in half. This first crime paved the way for many others. He used his words for her instead, and we were left hopeless.  
Fortunately, his followers were not as shallow and cruel, and we charged with them into the light to dethrone the bitch. We at the Singless Signpost reached out to one of these fearless revolutionaries, for comment on the matter of the betrayer. He simply said ‘Pii22 off and leave KK alone you 2hiitbag.’ But we cannot all have the confidence of our leaders.  
I know I shall not rest easy until the betrayer is punished for diminishing the name of his most excellent ancestor. But I wonder if any such punishment could possibly match the crime of the countless lives lost. ___

You blink heavily. You guess its something of relief that Karkat was some kind of speech giver, and not actually a violent soldier, but it doesn't change much. The article confirms everything Kanaya said and more.Apparently, he did much more than let his friends down. He diminished the revolution's power overnight.

__Just as you finish reading, a quiet creaking noise causes you to look up. There, in the doorway of his bedroom, is Karkat Vantas.  
__

__Karkat is short, a little over five foot tall, with large grey eyes that you could easily lose yourself in. His hair is dark and curly, almost concealing the small horns that sit within it. He has large bags under his eyes that make him look frightened and drained. Right now, red tear tracks run down pale grey skin.  
You feel like you are looking at him for the first time.  
-  
_ _

__‘We’re going to fight, aren’t we?’  
_ _

__The both of you have been quiet for a long while. You had planned on questioning him the moment he left his room but, to be honest, you don’t even know what to ask anymore. Instead, you let him get a coffee, and settle down on the couch. You sit in the armchair across from him.  
_ _

__‘Yeah,’ you reply, eventually. ‘Yeah, I think so.’  
_ _

__Karkat swallows sharply, putting his mug down with a shaky clink on the coffee table. He looks so scared. It hurts to remind yourself of what he has done, but you try to keep it in your mind.  
_ _

__‘Fuck, okay. Just please try not to make me bleed, if you can help it.’  
_ _

__‘What?’ you splutter. ‘Oh, dude, no. Not that kind of fight! We just have to talk about shit. A lot of shit, actually.’  
_ _

__‘Oh. Is it just me, or is that worse?’ he jokes, weakly.  
_ _

__You try to chuckle, but it comes out cold and fake. After yesterday, you’d rather never be in a fight again. It was definitely in your top ten worst birthdays, maybe even top five.  
_ _

__‘Can you just get to explaining yourself, please?’  
_ _

__‘Explaining myself? What the fuck do I have to explain?’  
_ _

__You are so dumbstruck by how completely oblivious he seems that it takes you a full minute to answer.  
_ _

__‘You're kidding. You are kidding, right?’ You wave your hands around, grasping for words. ‘How about the weird tension between you and Kanaya? Or how you left me alone at my own birthday party? Ooh, I know, why don’t we start with the whole war criminal thing?’  
_ _

__With every word, Karkat seems to get more and more angry. He flinches when you mention the war, but does not back down.  
_ _

__‘Are you fucking with me right now, Strider? You hide swords in our apartment. You kept weapons hidden in our fucking home and never told me about it. Either of us could have gotten hurt, and even after I told you about my blood, you didn’t say shit. Fuck, you attacked my friend Terezi!’  
_ _

__You are, quite frankly, startled. It never even occurred to you that he would have a reason to be upset at you, too. But even that can’t stop the words that come bubbling out of you like poison.  
_ _

__‘Oh, she’s your friend now, is she? Because last I checked you were fleeing the building to get away from her.’ you offer a shrug. ‘Though at least I understand why now, no thanks to you.’  
_ _

__‘What?’  
_ _

__‘You were afraid they’d be mad, right? Maybe they’d be mad that you left the rebellion to support the invasion. Abandoned your friends to fuel a whole fucking war.’ Spit wells up in your mouth. You don’t even know what you are saying. ‘But not all of them were revolutionaries, right? Some of them were traitors like you but, oh – of course. Those highbloods wouldn’t accept you either. So why did you do it, Karkat? Can you explain that to me, at least?’  
_ _

__You still aren’t yelling, not really. You refuse to lose your cool. But the burning in your chest is almost painful, as anger swells within you. How could he do something this terrible, then act like its all fine?  
_ _

__‘How do you…Did you fucking google me? I know you were listening in on me and Rose last night, too. What happened to privacy?’  
_ _

__‘I don’t know about Matesprits, but boyfriends shouldn’t keep shit like this from eachother. I think privacy went out the window the moment you kept something like this from me.’  
_ _

__‘I am not a book for you to read, Dave!’ he screams, and there are ruby tears glistening in his eyes. ‘What, you think you just get to know my whole story, huh? You don’t understand anything about me, or the revolution. You have no idea what they put me through.’  
_ _

You face eachother like pillars, both unmoving in your resentment. Of all the times Karkat has yelled at you, this is the only time where you can feel genuine hurt behind his words.

__‘Your story? Do you know how many questions I haven’t asked? I saw your sign on the news and was like, oh, my buddy Karkat would never do anything wrong! I don’t need to ask him about it. For fucks sake, Karkat. I just want to know your side of this. I just want you to explain.’  
_ _

__'My si- My side?’ he screeches, incredulous. ‘You said you were on my side, remember. What happened to that? Suddenly you trust Kanaya more than me, even though you don’t know shit about her either.’  
_ _

__‘I’ve known Kanaya for along time. She doesn’t lie.’  
_ _

__‘I fucking know that! Shit, Dave, I’ve known her longer than you. It doesn’t mean she’s flawless, that she doesn’t make mistakes!’ he stands up, running a hand anxiously through his hair. ‘Do you know, I once watched her try to chop someone in half with a chainsaw? And in one battle, she knocked me out and ditched me in a cave? She’s not perfect.’  
_ _

__‘I don't care!’ you stand up too, shaking. ‘I might not know all the details, but I know that without her, there wouldn’t be an earth right now. I know I wouldn’t be able to do what she did, but I would never abandon my friends like you.’  
_ _

__‘I can’t believe you fucking went behind my back on this. For months, I watched you flinch and suffer and never asked a single fucking question! Even now I know fuck all about your history but I never let that bother me, because I like who you are now! Or, shit, I thought I did.’  
_ _

__‘My history? Sure Karkat, lets talk about that. Lets talk about the brother who was constantly talking about the war, neglecting me to go on missions that he never explained properly. Let’s talk about the training I received to fight aliens, like you. Maybe I hid a few swords, but apparently, I needed to.’  
_ _

__Finally, Karkat shrinks back, his foot catching on the chair as he shuffles away from you. Your words taste sour in your own mouth, and both of you are breathing hard. How the fuck did this happen? Can’t you just go back to watching movies and yelling at the TV?  
_ _

__On the other hand, you find yourself almost irritated that he's giving up, when you still have a fire boiling inside you. He’s literally torn your world apart and he’s just standing there.  
_ _

__‘Dave,’ Karkat sighs. ‘I am not responsible for what your brother did. I can only take responsibility for my own actions, and even then…no. No, I do take the blame, okay? But I need you to know that I would never, ever hurt you.’  
_ _

__‘You sure about that?’ You ask.  
_ _

__Then you take off your glasses.  
_ _

__You expect him to be disgusted, from the way he talked about his own mutation, and there is definitely a little disgust to the expression. That's not all, though. The look on his face when he sees your red eyes is…is something. Flashes of recognition, sympathy, almost? But mostly, his expression is one of panic.  
_ _

__‘You didn’t think to mention this before?’ He mutters, mouth turned down at the edges.  
_ _

__‘Oh, so now I can’t keep secrets?’ You chuckle coldly. It’s hard to keep composure when you feel like your heart has been ripped out. ‘If you aren’t going to explain anything, then just go. Get out of my apartment.’  
_ _

__‘Dave…’  
_ _

__‘Go!’  
_ _

__You close your eyes, half expecting him to lash out at you, but he doesn’t. You simply hear the creak of the door opening.  
_ _

__‘Do you know what it feels like to hide in the dark, waiting to die? Do you know what it feels like to serve a world that doesn’t want you in it?’ he makes a strangled, sobbing noise. ‘They are very similar feelings.’  
_ _

__The door clicks shut behind him. You don’t open your eyes for a long time. The apartment is silent.  
_ _

__You miss the yelling.  
_ _

__You hate the quiet.  
_ _

__-  
_ _

__Four hours.  
_ _

__Karkat left four hours ago, and hasn’t come back.  
_ _

__You’ve got the day off work, so you kind of just sulk about. Every time you hear the slightest noise you find yourself turning to the front door.  
_ _

__Its not that you aren’t still mad at him. You’re pretty sure that’s not going away anytime soon. But, well, he’s still Karkat. You can’t just suddenly stop caring about someone.  
_ _

__Especially when, if you think about it, he made some pretty good points.  
_ _

__But, no. You still can’t excuse what he did. Its irredeemable. Instead, you mope and play videogames, and eat leftover party food until you feel sick with it. It sucks how good it tastes. You try to watch a movie, but you find your eyes constantly slipping away from the screen. Its not the same without him.  
_ _

__You want to run, to fight, to scream. Take any action to let out this frustration. But you feel like you can’t go outside, in case he's out there. Is this how it felt to be Karkat? Always stuck in one spot, waiting for something to happen, with no control over it?  
_ _

__With nothing else to do, you fall into an uneasy sleep.  
_ _

__Your dreams are painted red. You are running from an enemy you cannot see, though you know deep down that you are running towards a greater mystery. There is no good option. You can only run.  
Beneath your feet are brightly coloured stones, like those at the bottom of an aquarium. You want so desperately to run your hand through them, but you have to run. A moment later you are glad of this, when you notice that the gravel is slick and wet. How many died to paint this pathway?  
_ _

__The running has no end to it and, exhausted, you eventually pull yourself from sleep. It is a slow, painful effort into consciousness. You do your best to stay awake after that.  
_ _

__Five hours. Still no sign of him.  
_ _

__It occurs to you, in a moment of wild panic, that Karkat is not coming back. He left all his stuff here, but he never had that much to begin with. Maybe he’s just genuinely gone forever. Despite yourself, you feel a pang of deep loss at the thought. He wouldn’t do that to you, would he? Fuck, you're so confused. You don't know what you want.  
When the front door finally clicks open, you stand abruptly. You don’t know if you are going to apologise profusely or scream yourself hoarse. But it isn’t Karkat.  
_ _

__‘So do you assholes just leave this thing unlocked, or?’  
_ _

__Who the fuck is this guy? Honestly, you have had too many weird things happen consecutively for some random dude to just stroll in like he owns the place. When he shrugs his coat off, you can at least acknowledge that he is a little familiar. His yellow sign scratches at something in your head until you can finally scrape together a name. Ssssssolux. Sollux.  
_ _

__‘Ugh. You’re from the party? I thought June was keeping you guys out of here.’  
_ _

__‘She tried,’ he shrugs, joining you on the sofa and squinting at your tv. It looks like he’s…judging the way you have it set up. What the fuck. ‘TZ is distracting her. I’ve been looking for KK too long to give up now.’  
_ _

__‘You must have shitty luck,’ you say, trying your best to adjust to the fact that there is now another troll in your apartment, and this is just something you are going to have to deal with. ‘I’m assuming you mean Karkat, and he already left. I know you must be mad at him but-‘  
_ _

__Sollux snorts loudly, offering you a condescending grin. This guy is the one who led the revolt with Kanaya, right? You're pretty sure he was even mentioned in that article. He looks like the biggest dweeb you have ever met.  
_ _

__‘Wow, go ahead and jump to conclusions, why don’t you,’ he shakes his head. ‘I’m not mad at KK. I bet KN’s been feeding you all her usual bullshit. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love her to death but she is also a total asshole.’  
_ _

__‘Okay, you cannot just march in here and call Kanaya an asshole.’  
_ _

__‘I can, though. All my friends are assholes,’ he starts picking absent-mindedly at his red and blue nail polish. ‘I do not know how you haven’t picked up on this yet. Even TZ can see that we all suck and she’s literally blind.’  
_ _

__‘Sure, but there’s a difference between Aw, Jade-drank-the-last-of-my-apple-juice and Karkat-betrayed-the-rebellion-to-join-an-evil-empress-who-was-ruining-at-least-two-planets. I mean, I’m angry about it. How can you not be?’  
_ _

__Sollux lowers his shades to show you a very dramatic eyeroll. It’s a little hard to tell, because both of his eyes are just solid colours, but he makes up for it with the face he pulls. Okay, you get it. Sollux thinks you're dumb. But, quite frankly, you think he must be some kind of idiot to act so relaxed right now.  
_ _

__‘Seriously, you do not have any fucking clue what’s going on, do you?’ he runs his hand through his hair in a way that is very reminiscent of Karkat. ‘Alright, we have got to stop dragging humans into this shit. But, since you’re apparently pan fried enough to be his matesprit, I’ll give you the update.’  
_ _

__Sollux gets up and goes over to where he hung his coat, digging around in the pockets until he finds a full-on laptop in there. It looks high tech, too, and you swear you hear it buzzing.  
_ _

__‘What are you-‘  
_ _

__‘Shh.’  
_ _

__He sets it up on the coffee table as you sit there, bewildered and kind of annoyed. You guess the universe just happens to you now. When is the last time you were able to make an active decision?  
_ _

__There’s no time to ponder it. Sollux is clicking play on some kind of video. It’s of- oh.  
_ _

__It’s Karkat. You almost don’t recognise him. He’s stood at a podium, with his hair slicked back, wearing a suit with his sign on the tie. It hangs off his tiny frame. He’s younger, much younger, and it hits you all at once that he never got the luxury of avoiding the war like you did. Behind him is a massive picture of the old empress, her teeth like needles. She always gives you the creeps.  
_ _

__‘Is this one of his speeches for the empire? I don’t think I want to see this.’  
_ _

__‘Just watch it, and tell me who it is.’  
_ _

__‘Its Kark-‘  
_ _

__‘Shut up. Watch it.’  
_ _

__For a long moment, the Karkat on the screen just stands there. Then, like a wind-up toy that has been released, he starts talking speaking in Alternian. The only words in his own language that you have heard him say before have all been swearwords, spat out with his usual wild anger, and each was undercut with a series of odd clicks from his chest. In the video, there are none of those. Karkat is eerily calm as he stares straight ahead, reciting words you don’t understand. He does not gesticulate with his arms, or nervously rub at his horns. He does not so much as blink.  
_ _

__He recites each word with the exact same intonation. His claws rest at his sides. When his sharp teeth catch on his lip, he does not wince or even stop talking. You have a hard time comparing this dull, statuesque man to the lively, emotional, frantic energy of the Karkat you know.  
_ _

__‘That’s not Karkat,’ you whisper, horrified.  
_ _

__‘Thank you!’ Sollux exclaims, hitting pause. ‘If you didn’t get it soon I was going to shit myself.’  
_ _

__‘B-but I don’t understand. I just…I don’t understand?’  
_ _

__‘Yeah, it sucks doesn’t it? I mean, to be honest he had me fooled for the first few broadcasts. I was still low-key pissed at him back then. I figured it might be nerves or something, but no. Every speech given in the name of the old empress is exactly like that. And I can assure you that his rebellion speeches were much more colourful.’  
_ _

__Your heart is racing, eyes still glued to the tiny, motionless Karkat. He looks empty of all the fire that you are used to seeing in him. Hollow. If this isn’t Karkat, then maybe none of this was his fault. The hope sparks some life into your broken heart, but you still can hardly dare to believe it.  
_ _

__‘What did they do to him?’  
_ _

__‘Depends on who you ask,’ Sollux shrugs. ‘TZ thinks he was just being threatened. Personally, I think they used some kind of bio-tech controlling system, based on helmsman designs. VK insists it’s just mind control, of course. EQ thinks it was some kind of replacement android, and I guess he would know best since he was actually at a few of his speeches, but I still think that sounds like horseshit.’  
_ _

__‘Hold up, hold on,’ your head is spinning. You feel like you need to sit down, even though you are literally sitting down. ‘So, you still talk to ‘EQ’, even though he was part of the invasion?’  
_ _

__Sollux shrugs again. He seems to do that a lot.  
_ _

__‘Sure. I talk to all of my shitty friends. Even though some of them knew where KK was this whole time and didn't even tell me. If you ever meet a purple fish dick, tell him he's a bastard. Anyway, I even talked to GZ, right up until the point where he learnt about KK’s blood and started freaking out,’ he rubs his neck guiltily. ‘Okay, so maybe a little bit after that. I thought maybe if I told everyone GZ was looking for KK, it would help. Like, if one of the higher bloods was keeping it from me for bullshit Hemocaste reasons. No luck.’  
_ _

__You…are really struggling here. With about a million different things. But slowly, surely, a heavy guilt is settling in the pit of your stomach.  
_ _

__‘Okay, but like, the blood stuff. None of this makes any sense, because why would the empress recruit him? Isn’t being a mutant illegal?’  
_ _

__You watch him shift uncomfortably for a second. You guess Sollux must be cool with Karkat’s blood colour, but it’s still holds significance for him that it does for you. His face reminds you of Karkat’ when you revealed your eyes.  
_ _

__‘Okay, yes, but most people don’t even know he’s a mutant. Publicly, he was rust. But all the low bloods who knew his sign, and who grew up seeing it as a sign of hope, lost a lot on the day he joined the empress. She needed a way to motivate soldiers for the invasion, and quell the revolution. It was kind of genius, actually. Even if she was a total fish bitch.’  
_ _

__No. No, you can’t have been wrong about everything. You kicked Karkat out over this. You had the evidence, too. Maybe that article was biased, sure, but that’s not all you had.  
_ _

__‘What about Kanaya?’ you ask, desperately.  
_ _

__Sollux grimaces, scratching awkwardly at his arm. Its not quite embarrassment, but something close.  
_ _

__‘Look, don’t tell her I said this shit, okay? But KN hasn’t been the same since KK left. She really thought she could protect him from all that cult stuff, and when she failed…I think it was easier for her to blame him. She threw everything she had left into the war and didn’t stop fighting, even once it was over.’  
_ _

__Oh, _Kanaya_. She’s been such a sweet, steady force in your life ever since you met her. Honestly, your instincts are to dismiss this guy and believe in her. If it weren’t for that terrifying video, you would be kicking him out right now. As it is, you send a quick little wish in to the universe for Kanaya to be okay. And then, you think back over what Sollux just said.  
_ _

__‘Hold up – cult stuff?’  
_ _

__‘You really do know nothing,’ Sollux sighs. ‘Okay, so the Signless-‘  
_ _

__‘No, I know about the Signless. He was a rebellion leader.’  
_ _

__‘No, he was a cult leader,' Sollux looks at you like you're stupid, and honestly? You are starting to feel pretty stupid. 'Initially he was trying to rebel, sure, but after his execution he had the whole martyr thing going for him, so it snowballed into being a straight up cult. KN and I only joined because they hadn’t given KK an option, and I didn’t want him stuck on his own with those creeps. And because I didn’t want to become a toaster, but that’s sort of unrelated.’  
You stand up and start anxiously tidying. Mostly this involves picking up pieces of tinsel and putting them on the table, but it gives you something to do with your hands.  
_ _

__‘I fucked up. I am the least cool. I'm like if you microwaved the sun in the middle of summer, and then threw that bitch in the oven for good measure. Twice cooked. I'm that uncool.’  
_ _

__‘Yeah, basically. It gets worse though. See, those nookbiters had a favourite part of the story, and they were pretty keen to recreate it,’ he taps away at his keyboard, bringing up a blurry photograph of a man dangling in burning chains. His horns looks sickeningly familiar. You turn away from the screen. ‘Some dumbass figured another martyr was what the revolution really needed. They got a little too close to what they wanted, and we only just got him out of there. He panicked and ran. Then, half the cult bailed without him there to inspire them, and a bunch more went once he joined the empire. KN and I ended up building up the revolution from what was left.’  
_ _

__‘So what happened after that? How did they get him and- and why has he been avoiding you all if this wasn’t even his fault? Why didn’t he say anything?’  
_ _

__‘Wow, those are some great questions. Would love some answers to those questions myself, actually. Maybe that’s why I’ve been trying to track down this asshole for the last six years.’  
_ _

__You need to get Karkat back. You need to apologise, to find out the rest, to kiss him and hug him and never let go. What the fuck were you thinking? You met the coolest dude you’ve ever known and just immediately believed every bad thing people said about him? At the same time, your still hurt he didn't tell you any of this himself. If he's blameless, the why say nothing? But it doesn't really matter right now. This is Karkat, and you love him, and the moment you think it you know that its true. You love him, and you just want to figure all this out with him.  
_ _

__‘But didn’t you even-‘  
_ _

__You are interrupted by your cell phone ringing. A cheesy little low-fi beat you made way-back-when echoes from your pocket. Sollux’s arrogant expression finally cracks.  
_ _

__‘Holy shit, is that him?’  
_ _

__You check, your own heart beating frantically inside your chest. Its an unknown number. You answer anyway.  
_ _

__‘Uh, hi?’  
_ _

__‘Oh! Hello, is this the human called Dave? My name is Nepeta - I was at your party yesterday!’  
_ _

__You close your eyes, and take a very long breath. This is just your life now.  
_ _

__‘Hey, Nepeta,’ you say. Sollux shoots you a curious look. ‘Any particular reason you are calling? Do you have any surprising yet enlightening information about Alternian history that will make me do yet another 360 spin? Got me going round round baby right round? Are you here to take a steaming dump on whatever my current thoughts and feelings are? The day is still young.’  
_ _

__There is a long silence from the other end, though you think you hear some hushed arguing. Whoever she’s talking to has a very deep voice, because even when he whispers you can make out that he is speaking Alternian.  
_ _

__‘Sorry, Dave, but I really don’t know what most of that means!’ Nepeta says eventually. ‘I just have some mews for you. But you have to promise not to get meowd at Equius, okay?’  
_ _

__Your jaw drops open. Sollux makes a sympathetic face, as if to say ah-yes-she-does-make-awful-cat-puns. To be honest, you can’t decide whether you love it ironically or genuinely.  
_ _

__‘Nepeta, I can safely promise you that I won’t be meowd, because I do not know who that is.’  
_ _

__‘Equius is my Meowrail! Only, we only just moved from Alternia, and sometimes he still gets pawfully confused. And when he found out where Karkat is he might have made a big mistake and told a certain evil clown some stuff that he shouldn’t have.’  
_ _

__You swallow, hard, trying to keep the fear out of your voice.  
_ _

__‘Gamzee knows where we live?’  
_ _

__‘Equius really didn’t mean it. He just has trouble telling the difference between rules that help people and rules that don’t! But, uh. Yes. Gamzee is coming. Or, more likely, he’s already there.’  
_ _

__Shit. You really can’t catch a break, can you?  
__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (insert uno reverse card here)
> 
> eyyy thanks as usual for the kind words and support! There are only a few chapters left so hold on to your horns!


	6. Fight: At the Museum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hewwo! I'm going to change the rating to M and the warnings, to reflect the violence in this chapter. I didn't quite expect it to go like this and I want to be careful. So, heed the warnings!
> 
> Warnings (contain spoilers): Violence, trollnapping, referenced/implied torture, bro strider, Dave abuse, magically induced fear visions, multiple references to the helmsman thing, hospitals, injury, serious injury, getting knocked unconscious, a lot of Gamzee, Gamzee makes fun of Sollux's speech impediment like an asshole, casteism, war, impacts of war, anxiety, panic, psionics, pesterlogues, uhh i'm trying to be thorough but I think that about covers it. 
> 
> This chapter is kinda long, but enjoy!

‘And he’s been missing for how long?’

‘Almost six hours,’ you say, cursing yourself for letting it come to this.

‘Shit,’ Sollux says, exhaling heavily. ‘Shit, okay. We’ve got to make a plan.’

‘He's going to be okay though. Like, he has to be.’

‘Alternia is hours away, and clowns usually take ages to kill someone. They like games. Gz has had plenty of time to find him, but kk's probably alive,’ he says, absently. His mind is elsewhere. ‘Look, I can probably scrape together a team if you give me an hour. We’ll need more psionics, but it can be done.’

‘Are you kidding? I’m going now.’

You stride in to your room, grabbing your favourite sword and throwing its sheath over your shoulder. Your feelings are complicated; your mind is made up. Karkat made some fucking huge ass mistakes, but you care about him. More than that, you care full-stop. You will not allow anything bad to happen.

‘What?’ Sollux hurries after you. ‘No seriously, stop. This isn’t a game. You can’t defeat chu- ugh, never mind. You can't defeat clown powers with one shitty sword.’

You have no idea what clown powers are. You don’t particularly care.

‘Watch me.’

The stairs down to the base of your apartment building seem impossibly long. You usually take your time on the stairs. Right now, you rush, as Sollux curses faintly behind you. There are a whole lot of emotions going on, so you fall back on instincts. Move, fight, defend. Save the guy you really wish you hadn't argued with.

‘I’m not going to follow you to my death, asshole. I’ve survived too much bullshit for that.’

‘Don’t come, then.’

To his credit, Sollux doesn’t stop following you. He just increases the vulgarity of his curses, and throws in a couple of Alternian ones for good measure. You see him pull out his phone and start tying rapidly while you walk.  
When you reach the bottom of your building, you stop. You…don’t actually know where to go from here. You know Karkat doesn’t go out much, and being in the open makes him nervous, so he probably wouldn't have just wandered off. He sometimes goes to the grocery store? But surely that wouldn’t be a long-term solution so-

Oh. Of course.

‘The museum,’ you mumble, half to yourself, and turn to sprint down the street.

You’ve always been fast. You’ve always needed to be. Its as easy as breathing to run, feet barely touching the ground, past disgruntled businessmen and confused cyclists. Its a familiar route to your job. Sollux swears, louder, and you hear a strange crackling noise behind you. The businessmen get even more disgruntled, but you don’t turn around. Your focus is singular.

Find Karkat. Find Karkat. Find Karkat.

The closer you get to the museum, the less and less people there are. By the time you get to the road its on, which is mostly old banks and restaurants, there is nobody around at all. You don’t mean to stop running, but there is a lurch in your stomach, and you do. You hesitate, looking around at the absent sidewalks as a strange fear swells in you. The shadows here seem longer than they should be.

Sollux’s feet touch the ground beside you, and he slumps into a slouch as he adjusts his shades. Was he…flying? Now is not the time.

‘Clown powers,’ he tries to explain, though he’s badly out of breath.

‘What?’

He gestures vaguely at the empty street. He really does seem to be considerably uncomfortable. You place a steadying hand on his back, and a static shock runs up your arm. Sollux shakes you off.

‘Don’t touch me! Just, give me a second. Horrorterrors and psionics don’t mix well.’

‘Okay, not to be a clueless human, but I still have no idea what any of this means.’

‘You will,’ he groans, then continues onwards towards the museum. ‘Look, he hasn’t had them very long, but he’s got old blood. Just try to hold on to the real shit, as best as you can.’

You draw your sword, since there’s apparently nobody around to tell you not to, and follow Sollux towards the familiar stone building. As you walk, the dread inside you only grows. You get the weirdest feeling, the closer you get.

Its like somebody is watching you, just over your shoulder. Whenever you turn, there is only a hint of shadow at the edge of your vision. A glint of steel in the sunlight. An unmistakable echo of hoarse laughter.

You know that voice. You swing your blade in its direction, and Sollux ducks as you almost behead him. Although…he isn’t looking at you. His head is turned in the other direction, and he is cowering in the presence of something you do not see, limbs pulled taught by invisible strings.

Moving towards him, you're shocked by another flash of shadow, and you can’t help but drop into a defensive stance. Slowly, you turn in its direction. The face that awaits you is not one you expected. You know it was him, _it was,_ but its not anymore. Its Rose, and she’s fifteen again, and it’s the first time you’ve seen her cry.

_‘What if he doesn’t come back?’ She asks you, glancing at the closed door behind her. ‘I can’t go home. Where will we go without Dirk?’_

_You don’t know, and it terrifies you. He should have been back yesterday. Had he been killed? Jake promised they would be safe. Dirk’s too awesome to die to a bunch of aliens. You shake, and school your expression as best as you can. You cannot cry here._

_You cannot cry here, because this is your fifth job interview this week, and you are running out of options. You and Rose are desperate to move out, to rely on nobody but yourselves, but its hard when you are so dreadfully underqualified. They never seem to understand that you can’t go to college, because you were never sent to school. You do your best to convey your passion, but its never enough. The man across the desk scowls at you in familiar disappointment. You shudder with fear._

_You shudder with fear, because holy fuck, you are about to meet Jade. Jade fucking Harley, the girl you’ve been talking to and about since you were old enough to talk, and she’s going to be here any minute. Rose doesn’t seem nervous at all but you are sweating and freezing and what are you even supposed to say to her? What if she hates you?  
_

__

__

_What if she hates you? What if they all hate you? You certainly hated yourself enough when you first figured it out. But now you're sort of getting used to it, proud, almost. You want your friends to know about this part of you. You trust them, and they love you, and you know they will love you no matter who you love. But still, you hear his voice in the back of your head._  


__

__

_You hear his voice in the back of your head._

_‘Fall,’ he says, and you drop to your knees._

_Your bro moves forward with the blade. You lower your head. It was always going to end like this, and you knew it. His blade draws a tally mark along your cheek bone. You knew you were not meant for this. He approaches, and you scream, and-_

Light.

Everywhere is light, blue and red like a siren, and you think without your shades you would be blinded. The shadowy figure of your bro disintegrates with the force of it. You look up at Sollux, and he is ablaze, strings of sparks that jump from his skin in every direction. Around you both, a bubble of arching lightning forms. He floats in the centre, eyes wide and breath short.

‘This the second time I’ve saved your ass,’ he pants, though he can’t turn to look at you.

You nod at him, standing up on shaky legs. When you look around, just to make sure, bro is nowhere to be seen. Your cheek is still bleeding, though.

‘So. Horrorterrors suck,’ you say, as lightly as you can, given the circumstances.

‘Wow, thanks for the breaking news. If only I’d known that.’ 

Sollux begins to move again, and you scramble to stay close to him, terrified of stepping outside of the light he’s created. You genuinely consider turning back, to be honest. You aren’t a hero. You’re just some dude who gives tours and writes raps. This is a whole lot of magical nonsense to have to deal with.

But Karkat need you. And, on some level, you really need him.

As you press onwards, the lightning around you gets less consistent, less bright. Under the crackling power, shadows begin to slip in, creaking and moaning. One grabs at your ankle, and you wrench it away. You hear Sollux swear.

‘Hey, Makara!’ He yells, suddenly. ‘If you can hear me, turn off the edgy bullshit for a second so we can talk about this!’

‘Sol-bro?’ echoes a voice from just within the museum entrance. ‘Oh, fuck yeah! More company!’

Through the cracks in the psionics, you see long shadows recede, and sunlight filter in. Sollux stops the lightshow, almost dropping to his knees before you catch him. You steady him, centre yourself, and the two of you limp into the building.

You don’t even see Karkat, at first, because you are so distracted by the thing that is stood over his body. His face is painted into a broken smile, cracked lips beneath the paint stretched almost as wide. He’s tall, taller than humans even can be, with long horns that curl and curve into two dangerous points. In his claws are clutched brightly coloured clubs, stained with red. He is like a reflection from a house of mirrors, stretched out and grotesque, in a way that might be funny if it weren’t for the eyes.

Sharp. Menacing. Almost as tired as Karkat’s, and three times as dangerous. Gamzee Makara reeks of fear the moment you lay eyes on him.

And then, you see your matesprit.

Sollux must see him too, because he gasps harshly and grips tightly at your arm. You can’t tell if he’s steadying himself or holding you back. Karkat is a crumpled, dark mass on the ground. You cannot even tell where he is bleeding from. You only know that he is alive because he is shaking.

‘Well, this is a motherfucking miracle!’ exclaims the clown, smile growing impossibly wider. ‘Thanks for passing along my search warrant to the cerulean, sol, really helped me out. Piece of cake to follow my Moirail to this weird history house. My good little helmfriend, you even brought me a new buddy. You must be Dave.’

He extends a hand that you do not shake. You shift into a better defensive stance. Gamzee laughs.

‘Now, let’s not be all up and mean from the very beginning of things. I’ve been plenty nice to you so you ought to return the pleasure.’

You raise your sword.

‘Gamzee! Long-time no see,’ Sollux exclaims from behind you, and then he’s stepping forward, nervously drawing the clown's attention. ‘Look, whatever’s going on, I’m sure we can figure this out. We both know you’re a stupid son of a bitch, but it’s not like you’d actually kill your Moirail. 

‘Isn’t it?’ asks Gamzee sarcastically, hissing the s in a poor mockery of Solux’s lisp. ‘Well, I guess you’d know it better than me, since everyone’s apparently been knowing what filth floats through my man here this whole ass time. Playing the clown for a fool is not funny, Sol-bro.’

Sollux swallows, and opens his mouth to speak again. You notice that, between his fingers, little arcs of lightning are sparking red. When he goes to lift his hand, Gamzee notices too.

A club goes hurling through the air. When it hits Sollux in the chest, there is a sickening crunch, and Gamzee laughs again. There’s nothing you can do as the psionic goes flying past you, propelled by the weapon.

‘Shit, Sollux, are you-‘

‘Oh, don’t mind him.’ Gamzee starts walking towards you, neatly stepping over Karkat. ‘Yellow bloods are made for dying, or at least, that's what they learnt to me when I was learning to war. Besides, he doesn’t understand like we do.’

‘I’m not here to talk to you. Give me Kar-’

‘He doesn’t understand,’ Gamzee interrupts. ‘What it’s like when Karkat keeps a secret from you. How much it hurts when this little motherfucker has you thinking he's all honest, then pulls the rug out from right beneath. But you get it, don't you? Cos when my little diamond over here was on his way out, he said a few things about you that made me think we’d actually get along pretty well. He was real chatty about his brand new matesprit.’

Your chest constricts. Fuck this.

‘Yeah, we don’t have time for a villain speech, actually,’ you say, and stab him in the chest.

It’s the first time you’ve ever actually properly stabbed someone. It makes your hands shake. Gamzee on the other hand does not seem too badly affected, and as you draw out your sword, he only glares at you.

‘Fine, motherfucker. Let’s put on a show.’

Just like that, you are really fighting. He’s down to one club, and he swings it with a surprising amount of strength, right for your head. He’s not slow, but you are much faster, so you duck and strike for his stomach. He blocks it with a forearm, and purple blood sprays your face.

It’s a struggle to keep your breath even, but you manage, knowing you can indulge in panic later. You flashstep past him, towards Karkat’s body, hoping to get a better look at the terrain. From here, you can see that Sollux is crumpled against the wall, unconscious. If that’s anything to go by, then you cannot allow this clown to hit you. You need an advantage.

There is something shiny and metallic in one of Karkat’s hands. Recognising it as a blade of some kind, you grab it, barely thinking. Now you are duel wielding with a sickle, and it seems to piss Gamzee off as he charges at you.  


You move left, and scrape the sickle along his rib. He brings down a club, and you deflect it with your sword.

‘Cut that shit out!’ He snarls, but you have the rhythm of it now.

You retreat. You slash him. He gets mad and goes for a killing blow, which you deflect and dodge. You manage to get in three solid wounds on top of your initial stab before he even thinks to change his strategy.  
Unfortunately, you hadn’t thought he’d change his strategy at all.

When the clown powers hit, it’s unexpected. All it takes is the glaring eyeball of a puppet over Gamzee’s shoulder, and you are distracted enough that you do not dodge. You raise the wrong arm, in the wrong place, and his club hits your wrist hard.

Pain ripples down your arm, and you drop the sickle. Shit. Its all you can do to stumble backwards as he advances. Behind him, the shadows writhe into shapes and forms that you do not like. Its your turn to laugh.  
‘You think I’m scared by this? Dude, I survived the guy for thirteen years. I’m basically immune.’

Gamzee joins in your laughter, a grating sound that lilts up and down in a steady staccato. You know he expects you to stab him, so you know that you can’t. You are also dangerously close to being cornered. So you dive.  
He is caught off guard as you slam your shoulder into his abdomen, and both of you go sprawling to the ground. Smaller, and faster, you find your feet first. You place the tip of your sword against his throat. It rises and falls as the clown swallows deeply. He doesn’t look afraid, but he seems to know he’s trapped.

Even weird immortal space clowns can’t live if they can’t breathe, and the guy is already pretty injured. Even if he tried to move, he would be too slow to escape your blade, and he knows it. You are just glad he doesn’t try to call your bluff.

‘I can see why he likes you.’ Gamzee laughs, the sound of sandpaper on foam.

Eventually, whatever backup Sollux called for arrives. A group of trolls with glowing eyes who seem relieved that the battle has already been won. They help a groggy Sollux to his feet, and herd you away from an unconscious Karkat as they carry him out.

You follow on legs that are still quaking. You think that, even after all of this, you might follow him anywhere.

-

TT: So, what did you do then? 

TG: i went and got my arm looked at 

TG: your boy has a sick ass cast by the way

TT: I look forward to signing it, in a neat and respectable way. I certainly would never draw something crude and hilarious.

TG: okay so im definitely not gonna let you near my cast

TT: Lets be honest here. With the kinds of friends you keep, a phallic doodle is inevitable. I’m surprised you haven’t added one yourself.

TG: wow rose

TG: you really have no faith in me huh

TG: im a respectable minimum wage worker and a good dude all around

TG: you should be over here praising my heroics and instead youre making terrible horrible assumptions

TG: maybe i have been known to draw a few good little soldiers in the past

TG: but can you really assume i would do that in a time of crisis

TG: okay i might have maybe done that already actually

TT: I knew it.

TG: im like super bored though

TT: You are still waiting with Karkat? I thought it was past visiting hours.

TG: oh yeah it totally is

TG: but they can’t keep me out of here 

TG: im like a shadow

TG: Sneaking back in through the window

TG: can’t stop me

TG: powered by rainbows

TG: my gay love today is like an unstoppable snow-plough

TT: You are aware that plough does not rhyme with bow? It makes a different sound, phonetically speaking.

TG: Oh shit really

TG: well there goes another sweet rap down the drain thanks to the failing educational system

TT: You never went to school, Dave, but that is beside the point.

TT: Might we talk for a moment about your use of the word ‘love’?

Ah shit.

You look up from your phone for a moment, searching the shitty hospital room for anything that might save you from your sister's never ending analysis of your similarly-endless slip-ups. Naturally, your eyes catch on Karkat.  
He’s sleeping. He almost looks peaceful, though he somehow still manages to scowl when he’s unconscious. You hope he’s not in pain. There are all sort of tubes running into him (Sollux had to leave when he saw those) but the doctors say he’s going to be fine. They usually say that just before kicking you out, but it doesn’t ever last.

To be honest, you aren’t entirely sure why you are here. You’re still mad at him. Objectively, you can see why he’d want to keep this shit from you, but it doesn’t stop you from being upset. The last few days have been a lot to deal with, and you think it would have been easier for everyone involved in he’d been more honest. On top of that, you're worried about him, because he's still unconscious and pale in the bed next to you. You can't help but feel a little guilt that you kicked him out like that. Logically, it wasn't your fault, but logic doesn't really come in to play when his little horns look so dull against the white pillow, and there are little red scratches on his face.

But, then, he doesn’t actually know everything about you either. You told him some shit, sure, but there are things that you would never even talk to Rose about. You got upset because this is all war related stuff, and that still cuts too close to home, but…you don’t know. You got injured, and he got injured worse, and secrets are fine until they aren’t. Everything’s complicated, and you both messed up and you are still so mad at him, but at the same time…

You really do love him. 

You tend to fall hard and fast, and it’s not like you believe in soulmates or anything. You’ve been in love before, and Karkat is just the most recent in a long line to wiggle his way into your heart. You don’t think that all this would have hurt so much, if you hadn’t been so head over heels for him. That doesn’t make it any less wonderful when you look at him, and feel that warm desire bubble up. 

You think that you’d do anything to resolve this mess between you. You hate that it got so messy in the first place. You just want your boyfriend back.

TG: aw shit rose

TG: can’t you just let a guy casually confess his love for the troll who just broke his heart

TG: is that too much to ask

TT: Well, I can’t say I approve of this particular partner, but I suppose he will have time to prove me wrong if the two of you can work this out.

TT: Is it alright if I tell Kanaya?

TG: wait you want to tell her that I love him

TG: rose no thats not cool

TG: sleepover rules rose what happens in the chat stays in the chat

TT: That is not what I meant. I would like to inform her that Karkat is injured. Is that alright?

TG: oh right

TG: uh yeah you can do that but also maybe throw in that she should try not to be so pissed at him cos like

TG: all that war stuff really wasn’t his fault I think

TG: i mean im still kind pissed at him 

TG: but idk it kinda seems like kanayas got her own stuff going on

TT: Noted.

TT: Talk to you soon, Dave. Take care.

TG: yeah bye don’t die

Neither June or Jade are online, so without them you are left sighing into the very ugly room again. You could play a phone game or something, but it’s a little tricky when you have to hold your phone so close to your chest. Freaking cast.

Speaking of the cast, you settle for just doodling all over it for something to do. Who needs paper? You are the canvas, it’s you. You manage to get a good hour out turning yourself into an ironic masterpiece. It’s a great distraction from your thoughts.

Then you run out of room, and the train pulls back into the thoughts station. Choo choo, Dave, time to think about things.

Except that, just then, the steady beeping of the room is interrupted by footsteps coming closer. These nurses should really know by now to stop kicking you out, cos like- oh.  
Its not a nurse! Which means that, whoever the fuck this guy is, he is a distraction. Goodbye, thoughts train.

The troll (seriously, you have met more trolls in the last week than ever before in your life) ignores you as he saunters over to the bed and lazily picks up the little clipboard they’ve hung there. Its almost as though he doesn’t know that he’s meant to be your distraction.

‘Uh, hey? Can I help you?’

The troll turns to look at you, with gun-metal grey eyes. He suddenly perks up.

‘Oh, I imagine that you can. What’s your name, cutie?’

‘Dave Strider.’

‘Oh. The matesprit,’ he deflates again, turning his attention back to the clipboard. ‘No offense, but I try not to date people my friends are dating. It always ends badly.’

Did…does this guy think you were coming on to him? Who the fuck is he anyway? Every time he looks at you, he gets this weird expression on his face. He’s dressed pretty ridiculously in a flowing cape and a scarf that reminds you of Rose’s. He certainly seems to like purple a lot, which hasn’t been a good sign with trolls so far.

‘Well, seems like Kar isn’t going to die,’ he says, stretching out the W as he throws the clipboard on top of Karkat’s body. You hurry to move it off.

‘Yeah, thankfully. Do you want to maybe be a little less casual about it?’

‘People die. Particularly rust bloods. Now, I need a chair.’

‘What?’

He rolls his eyes as if you are being stupid. That seem to be happening more and more often lately.

‘I. Want to sit down,’ he does a little hand gesture that is very similar to the -gru sits on the toilet- stance. ‘You are in the chair.’

‘There is a stack of chairs in the corner,’ you point.

‘Wow. Okay,’ this guy flips his fringe like a fucking anime, then leans forward condescendingly. ‘You are very cute, but I am not looking for a Kismesis right now, okay? Well, unless you really hate me. I guess we could work something out.’

You throw your hands up and get out of the chair. He sits down, smugly, as you go grab another one from the stack. What even is happening right now?

‘Who are you?’ You finally ask, exasperated.

‘General Eridan Ampora, finest of the fleet, hero of the world,’ he sighs dreamily. ‘You are welcome, by the way.’

Well, that answers one question. This seems to be the guy Karkat’s always screaming at in his late-night calls. Giving him a glance over, he also seems to match Solux’s description of ‘a purple fish dick’ which is not reassuring.  
‘How can you both be part of the fleet and a hero?’ you ask, and then hurriedly correct yourself. ‘I mean, you don’t have to answer, I just-‘

‘No, its quite alright. I’m more than used to people being terribly interested in me. See, I switched sides about a year before it was over, and handed Fef the intel she needed to steal success. It was a very risky thing to do, and terribly dangerous,’ he genuinely rests a hand across his forehead, like a lady fainting in a Victorian melodrama. ‘Isn’t that pitiful?’

You say a silent thank you to Karkat for educating you on what pity actually means to trolls, because otherwise you may have been inclined to agree, and you certainly don’t need this guy accusing you of hitting on him again. He keeps throwing all these weird looks your way too, as if trying to figure something out.

‘Look, why are you even here?’

‘Oh, I’m technically his emergency contact. I figured I ought to make an appearance,’ he smiles. ‘You know, Fef and I were the ones to rescue him. He refused to let us tell any of the others, which I thought was a little overdramatic, but Karkat was always-’

‘Stop.’

‘What?’

‘I don’t want to know. Or, at least, I don’t want to hear it from you.’

Eridan shrugs, as though he couldn’t care less either way, but he looks a little bothered at being interrupted. He stares at you strangely again.

‘We haven’t met before, have we?’

‘Uh, no. I think I’d remember that.’

‘Funny…I could have sworn we had,’ he purses his lips. ‘Perhaps it is just destiny.’

‘Okay, you suck.’

‘Coming on a little strong there, Strider,’ he laughs, then catches himself. ‘Strider…No, I definitely know that name.’

Your gut lurches. You are certain you don’t know this guy, but you can count the number of living Striders one hand. There’s a good chance this guy is just fucking with you, but he also might have met Dirk. Your cousin was pretty involved in the revolution, so its not entirely unheard of.

‘I’m going to go get a drink. Can you stay with Karkat?’ you say, stretching, ignoring the steady sinking feeling.

‘No, hang on.’ Eridan says, and now he’s on his feet, getting way too close for comfort. ‘He mentioned a Dave, I think. You’re The Shadow’s ‘bro’, aren’t you?’

You pray that this was some kind of codename used for Dirk. You know it wasn’t.

‘Okay, look, I don’t need to know what kind revolutionary shit my bro was up to. I don’t talk about him, so I’m going to just. Go.’

Eridan laughs again.

‘No, no. He wasn’t part of the revolution.’

Ice. You feel like you are made of ice.

‘I- uh. What?’

You're standing by the door when you are next aware of moving, hands shaking against the frame, turned away from Eridan. You were…going to get a drink. You should go get a drink.

‘Yeah, he was one of The old Empress’ spies. Not a very nice one, if I remember correctly. Even I wouldn’t go pitch for a mess like that. His shades looked awful, too, no sense of style. Still, he got the job done.’

‘Stay with Karkat,’ you say, and you are gone.

This guy is a liar. That’s all. He’s lying, for some reason. Maybe he just wants to confuse you. Maybe it’s a flirting thing. You don’t know. But it can’t be true.

Because if it is? Then all that shit bro taught you is cast in a different light. He always said that trolls were dangerous, and clever. That they were impossible to defeat in a fair fight, and they were raised to only know war. In retrospect, maybe he didn't mean that as an insult. He certainly trained you like a troll trains, and you always thought it was so that you could fight against them. He never let you go outside to make human friends, or to experience enough of the world that you might miss it. He showed you how to move quickly, and remain undetected, and why would you need to know that for a war? Why would you need to know that for a battle?

You wouldn’t. You’d need to know these things to become a spy.

You lean heavily against a wall, exhausted. You never really wanted to know what Bro got arrested for, but it seems so obvious now. That fucker. He never did like people very much, but it sucks that he would turn against earth. That he would try to turn you against earth. You don't know what he was thinking, and you hope you never do.

You got free, you remind yourself. You got free. You are more than a tool. He does not control you anymore. This doesn’t actually change anything, and yet, it changes everything. It would be nice if you could go more than twenty-four hours without learning something world-shattering, but that doesn’t seem to be in the cards for you. 

You get a drink. You get some air. When you return to Karkat’s room, the purple fish dick is gone. Karkat isn’t awake, thankfully, but it looks like his hair has been ruffled, and there's a pair of envelopes neatly stacked on the bedside table. You guess people care in different ways. 

You take the seat next to the bed, thoughts running wild. You wish you could talk to Karkat about it all. He would know what to say. Gently, you take his hand.

You miss him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta daaah.  
> Hope ya'll are still enjoying. This one took me a little longer. I've got a lot of work due, so I might be a bit slower updating now. That said, I did recently post a short homestuck one shot which you can find here:  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/29585238
> 
> Thanks again for the support. Take care!


	7. Target: Reconciliation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely people! We've almost done it!
> 
> Warnings (contains spoilers): Feelings. Stress eating. Self-hatred. References to war, references to deaths, references to a bunch of the stuff that has already come up in this story, including: war, death, bro, Dave's childhood, execution, brainwashing, and past abuse. Specifically, this chapter has mentions of past emotional manipulation/gaslighting. Also mentions of Alternia, and the Hemospectrum. One new thing is a specific reference to Rose's childhood, which is not painted in a good light here. There's a lot of mom stuff.
> 
> (also asdfgk brief apology to anyone who saw that this fic would have a total of ten chapters. I totally messed up while drafting! There probably won't be that many, sorry!)

Two Days.

Two days and he still hasn't woken up. You don't know what to do. The medical staff all give you sympathetic looks when they come in to do their tube changing or whatever. You always catch at least one of them looking panicked when they monitor Karkat. These people are pretty good at poker faces, but not as good as you, and you've realised by now that they can't get a good grasp on his biology. These doctors are human, trained to work with trolls but only recently, and its not the same at all. Particularly because of Karkat's...complications.

You repeatedly run the fight with Gamzee through your mind, like a silk scarf through gentle fingers. Wait, no, that metaphor's too tender for this shit. You run it through your mind like a sword through a clowns chest. 

You can't fucking believe you did that.

You aren't violent, you really aren't, and you've always rejected that stuff. All bro's lessons on how to fight people had the exact opposite effect. You really shouldn't have won, and if Sollux hadn't done his weird light thing, you probably wouldn't have. For all of bro's constant complaining about them, he never once taught you how to take down a troll. You guess that makes sense, now. You weren't expecting all the magic crap. 

It makes you feel pretty shit, thinking about it. Any of it. You've been more aggressive this week than you ever really wanted to be. You've broken through the panic and into straight up regret at this point. Your chest is tight, your head aches, and your fingertips sting and tingle unpleasantly. Oh, wait, no. That's your phone. Your phone is vibrating.

GA: Is He Going To Live

GA: Dave I Need You To Respond

GA: You Are Always Glued To Your Device

GA: But You Apparently Have Chosen This Exact Moment To Ignore Me

TG: oh shit sorry kan

TG: had a lot of stuff rattling around in my mind

TG: aww i should have said pan

TG: cos it would have rhymed with kan  


TG: do you get it

GA: Yes I Do Get It

GA: I Am Relieved That You Are Alright As I Was Starting To Worry

GA: Or Rather I Was Continuing To Worry

GA: Are You Okay

TG: i mean no not really

TG: like within 48 hours i got in two different sword fights and had a nasty realisation about the guy who taught me to swordfight

TG: its like swordfight central over here

TG: and now its like two days later and karkat is still snoozing

TG: but apart from that yeah im chill

GA: That Does Not Sound Ideal

GA: I Am Sorry It Has Taken Me So Long To Reach Out

GA: I Have Been Thinking About Things

TG: yeah no worries

TG: the thoughts just don’t stop keep happening

TG: like a tidal wave of thoughts crashing down on you

TG: and youre like chill i can surfboard its fine 

TG: but you can only surfboard for so long

TG: boards gonna break eventually

TG: the surfboard in this example is distractions

TG: also i met eridan

GA: Ugh

GA: No Wonder You Are Doing Poorly

GA: Is He Still Terrible

TG: i mean he kinda sucked yeah but i was sorta going through my own stuff so i cant really make an accurate assessment

GA: That Is Very Kind Of You

GA: I Would Still Very Much Like To Cut Him In Half

TG: oh wow karkat wasnt kidding about that huh

GA: No

GA: Speaking of Karkat

GA: Is He Going To Live

TG: yeah the doctors think so

TG: except he also should have woken up by now

TG: apparently they cant make very accurate judgements because of his mutation

TG: like theres too much they dont know about his biology

GA: Fuck

TG: yeah same hat

TG: hes gotta be okay tho i have too much shit to say to him

GA: You Are Not The Only One

GA: I Have Just Arrived

TG: wait shit really  
TG: like you are here at the hospital

TG: wait i hope you werent texting while driving kanaya thats bad for you

GA: No Rose Drove

GA: She Is Now Going To Buy A Pretzel 

GA: It Is Supposedly Because She Dislikes Karkat But I Think She Thinks I Need To Do This Alone

TG: yeah that sounds like rose

TG: both the psychology thing and the pretzel thing

TG: girl loves her pretzels 

GA: She Does

GA: I Will Be With You Shortly

You click off your phone screen, glancing up at the door. You think you should probably be feeling anxious about this reunion but, to be honest, you are kind of too tired to feel much of anything.  


Karkat is still unconscious in the bed beside you. His deep grey skin is pale and sickly. Even his horns looks less bright. Its so unnerving to see him quiet. After two days of waiting for him to wake up and start shouting, you almost want to shout at him yourself.

Kanaya is a sight for sore eyes, honestly.

When she walks in, some of that tense atmosphere you’ve been stewing in dissipates, She is as neatly dressed as ever, with her head held high and her hair neat. It is even a comfort to see her wearing her sign, as Karkat has been robbed of his by the hospital gown. Her makeup is immaculate and her nails are painted with tiny black hearts. Her hands are folded, carefully, at the front of her skirts. 

In comparison, Kanaya's face is a broken and terrible thing. 

When her eyes land on Karkat's small, fragile form, you see the chain reaction. Her tired eyes widen, her forehead creases, and a sob seems to get caught in her throat. You worry that she angry, but this is not only anger. She is by his side in an instant, running long fingers across his head, staring at him as though he might be awoken by the force of her emotions alone. 

'Karkat,' she whispers, and you aren't sure she knows you are there. 'You should have come to me. I would have protected you.' 

She says the word 'would', but you hear the _should_ hidden beneath it. Her whole posture is built from shoulds, a stance made from potential that never came to be. You feel suddenly, horribly certain that you are intruding. 

You never knew your mother, but you met Rose's, once. She showed up at Dirk's house to beg forgiveness. The situation was pretty different to this one. Between each cry of regret, she hid poisonous words, but her sorrow was genuine. She wore the same face that Kanaya does now. A mother who's child left in a rage, and who no longer knows how to feel about the person they once loved. 

'I can't believe...' Kanaya's face grows stern as she turns to look at you. 'Gamzee did this?' 

'I, uh, yeah. Yes.' 

Being drawn into the moment throws you completely off-guard. They had seemed to be alone in the room, with you an outsider. Now, Kanaya moves to sit neatly at Karkat's side, legs dangling off the bed. There is plenty of room for her. She continues to sweep his hair out of his eyes, to straighten his sheets, to gently hold his face. The genuine care and affection in each of her actions catches you entirely off guard. You kind of want to cry from the force of it. 

You think back to the fight they had in your kitchen, and question how these two could encompass such a storm of love and anger. Briefly, you consider that this is quadrant vacillation, but you know deep down that it isn't. Even as someone with very little experience, you can recognise family when you see it. Fuck, how had you missed this the last time? 

'They used to be so close,' Kanaya sighs, and it takes you a second to remember that she is talking about Gamzee. 'Before the war, I mean. I never thought...but of course. I did not even consider looking for Karkat, after all he did. And now this has happened.' She blinks heavily, with an exhaustion you don't usually see on her. 'How did it ever come to this?' 

You don't think she is asking you. Her painted nails trace tear tracks down his cheeks. Once again, you find yourself on the outskirts of the conversation, enraptured by a tranquillity you don't dare to breach. A mourning. Not for Karkat's future, which hopefully still lays ahead of him, but for a past which has been so badly damaged. You would leave, allow her this privacy, but you are scared that moving would break this. 

(Another part of you is still scared to leave Karkat for even a second) 

'I lost so many of them, when it started. Friends. I had never imagined he would go too. We all used to gather around a campfire, outside of Nepeta's cave. It was safe there. Away from those who looked down on us for daring to step outside of our limited caste requirements. And Karkat-' Kanaya looks like she might cry, then laughs instead. 'Karkat would tell stories. Well, they were more like rants. Truly just awful. But we were grateful for them nonetheless. I don't think he ever understood how much he held us all together. Perhaps that's why he did not feel it was necessary to...to contact us. It gets me nowhere to speculate, I suppose.' 

There is a photo on your phone, that you open when you feel lonely. June, Jade and Rose stand in the foreground. Dirk and his friends stand at the back. They all look so happy, and you know why they are smiling, because you told a joke when you took the photo. It makes you feel like you aren't just someone who they happen to know, or apparently tolerate. It makes you feel loved. 

You wish, desperately, that Karkat had a photo like that. 

'I thought I knew him. I was so angry when he left.' Kanaya throws you these occasional glances, to let you know that you are meant to be listening. You wouldn't dare ignore her, anyway. 'His speeches were incredible, you know, the ones given for a cause he actually believed in. Too powerful, in many ways. But I had never doubted my own abilities. I had saved him from drones, from the fleet, from countless battles. It did not even occur to me that he would be in any true danger.' 

You go to tell her that it wasn't her fault. You know that's true, but the words feel empty anyway. 

'I don't think he blames you,' you say instead. 

Kanaya looks genuinely surprised by that. When her eyes meet yours, through your shades, it looks as though this thought has never once crossed her mind.

'Of course he does. But I blame him also. Ours is a mutual anger.' she stares down at him again. 'Even if Sollux's theories are true, it changes nothing. He still left. He did not look for me after the war, either. We cannot be expected to entirely ignore actions which have caused so much harm. I am upset, and this is not negated by intention nor time.' 

Kanaya frowns deeply. Her hand lightly ghosts over Karkat's clothed chest, searching. 

'Do you know if it left a mark? The arrow?' She asks, then shakes her head sadly. 'I suppose it does not matter. We all have scars, now.' 

'Kanaya...look,' you scratch at the back of you neck. You aren't really sure what words are about to come out of your mouth, but it is apparently too late to stop them. 'I think I don't really agree with you. Or, that I can't agree with you, even if I might actually want to. Like, your feelings are valid and all that, fuck knows I'm mad at him too, but intention is everything. And its like, like all too fucked up to fix. We are way past the war and way in over our heads and we can't change the past. We can only talk about it, and maybe, try and move past it.' 

'What are you trying to say, Dave?' 

'I guess...I suppose what I'm really saying is this. The question shouldn't be about whether or not you are upset at what he did in your past. It should be about whether or not you want him in your future,' you pause, swallowing, gathering your thoughts. 'Its fine, if the answer is no. Sometimes people fuck up enough that you don't want anything to do with them and I really, _really_ get that. Sometimes forgiveness leads to more harm. But in Karkat's case, for me personally, I think I'll feel better with him than without him.'

Kanaya is quiet for a long moment. She brushes her thumb over a light scratch on Karkat's cheek. When she smiles, it is a tiny thing, but warmer than the sun. 

'Maybe,' she says, simply, and you leave it at that. 

You aren't exactly certain when the moment ends. Perhaps it is when she moves to a chair, or when you both go on your phones, or when you pop out to use the restroom. At some indeterminate point, the air becomes less heavy with the weight of a world that you never knew, and is instead the quiet comfort of a familiar company. You like Kanaya. She's good to Rose, and she's nice to you. The two of you chat aimlessly for a while, about pretty much anything other than the important shit. Its a very welcome reprieve. Eventually, she looks you up and down, carefully appraising your appearance. 

‘You look awful,’ she says, not unkindly.

‘Yeah,’ you run a hand over your unwashed t-shirt, still stained with Gamzee’s blood. ‘I didn’t want to leave him.’

Kanaya lets out a small, breathy laugh at that. You don’t know what’s so funny. She scoots her chair a little closer..

‘I am quite impressed you took down Gamzee. It is no simple feat.’

‘It was surprisingly easy, actually? I mean, yeah, completely fucking horrible to deal with, but fine. I never want to deal with that shit again though.

Kanaya nods like she understands. She probably does. You hope you never find out how many clowns she has faced. 

'Thank you for dealing with the issue,' she says primly. 'I think you should probably go home before someone culls you for the clown blood on your chest.' 

'What? No. I'm not going to just go. What if he wakes up?' 

'I will be here.' Kanaya promises. 'Please do the world another service, and go shower.' 

That...okay. You really don't want to leave him, but a shower sounds super fucking good right now. And maybe a nap that doesn't take place in a plastic chair, or some food that isn't made in a hospital. 

'You certain?' you ask. 'You'll call me if he wakes up, right?' 

'You have my word. 

You give Kanaya a long, one-armed hug, and she squeezes you back fiercely. She gives great hugs. Leaving Karkat doesn't feel as painful as you thought it might, and you aren't sure if that's the exhaustion or the presence of a kick-ass deadly troll mom. Maybe both? 

Then you call Rose to pick you up, and she does, giving you a still-warm pretzel as you get into the car. 

Only when you close the door on a sad and empty apartment does the pain finally kick in. It feels like a pretty good excuse to cry in the shower.

\- 

Crying in the shower? Best idea you've ever had. 

This isn't to say that crying in the shower is always a good idea. You've had some pretty terrible shower-cries in the past. But this time when you emerge, clean as a whistle, you actually feel so much fucking better. Or, rather, you feel so much better for the ten minutes or so that it takes you to get into bed. Then you feel so much Asleep, because you are Asleep. 

You rest well, blissfully-free of nightmares, and raid the kitchen when you wake up hungry. The selection is not _great_. Nobody's been home for a bit. Although the fridge is still stuffed with party food, you decide that its probably not good to eat, so hunt through the freezer for something oven-able. You find a selection of ready-meals at your disposal, which you bought in bulk before Karkat started cooking for you. 

Its about eleven in the morning, but your schedule is off at this point, so you heat up a frozen lasagne. Its disappointing to your newly distinguished taste buds, but tolerable enough, and you've certainly had worse. The normality of it is almost laughable. While you eat, you go through your emails. Work wants to know if you are still off sick, so you tell them you are. They also want to know what happened in the lobby, since the security footage was seized by troll authorities, but you neglect to fill them in. You are pretty sure your behaviour would be considered, at the very least, unprofessional. 

You haven't even been questioned or anything, which you find pretty strange. You know that laws around troll incidents are still pretty vague, handled on a case-by-case basis to avoid breaking the peace treaty. Or, maybe, it had something to do with the presence of a literal revolutionary hero. You probably owe Sollux for this. Actually, you owe Sollux quite a lot, at this point. 

Sighing, you go into your Pesterchum friend requests and add the first yellow troll tag you see there. It must be him, because you are immediately barraged by string of sarcasm-infused questions. You answer them to the best of your ability, and eventually he convinces you to add Aradia, who gets you to add Tavros and Nepeta, who gets Equius involved...before you know it, your contacts look like a fucking rainbow. Keeping up with the messages is kind of a headache, and you refuse to let anyone tell you jack shit about the past or the war or whatever, but you have a nice time getting to know them a little better. Also, you remind all of them that they owe you birthday presents. Like, seriously, your hoard was so lacking this year. June's gift of a custom Ben Stiller plushie was good, but doesn't make up for your sister's betrayal. The pretzel does not count, Rose. 

Its nice to care about petty shit for a while. 

Then your phone rings, like actually fucking rings, and you spare only a brief moment to question who the fuck talks on the phone anymore when you realise its Kanaya. 

'Shit,' you answer. 'Shit, shit? Shit!' 

'The opposite,' she says. 'He is awake.' 

'Aww, fuck, I wanted to be there. It was going to be totally romantic,' you say. 

Inwardly, you are so very genuinely relieved. He's alive, and awake, and alive!!!!!! Woo!!!!! You allow none of this excitement into your tone, of course. 

'It would not have mattered much. They kicked me out so they could run tests.' 

'What? Did he seem okay?' 

'He seemed confused, though I suspect this is an aftereffect of the fears Gamzee inflicted upon him. I think he will be alright.' 

'Oh thank fuck. Okay. I'm going to be right there.' 

'Yes, you are. Rose will pick you up in an hour.' 

What? No no no no no no- 

'That's too long!' 

'She has work, Dave.' 

'And I have a boyfriend to go talk to!' 

'Be patient. She'll be there soon.' 

Kanaya hangs up. 

Why the fuck did you go and get your arm broken when you need to be driving places, immediately, right now? You picture Karkat as you saw him last, all pale and sad, waking up without you there. This is so unacceptable. There's kind of fuck all you can do about it though, so you relinquish control as well as you can. This involves eating a lot of chips, and breathing heavily, but somehow the hour passes. You feel every single second of it. 

Rose finally comes to collect you, dressed in her full magician uniform. You don't even make fun of her. She must realise that you are upset, because she barely talks to you the whole ride. As you arrive, fucking finally, she places her hand on yours. 

'Remember your own worth, too.' 

You nod, splutter a quick thank you, and then you are gone. Its happening, like actually happening, and its been less than a week since you last saw him awake but it feels like forever and you just need to see him. Moving through the corridors with speed and stealth is too easy, and you arrive at his room. It feels like there should be another challenge in your way but there isn't. 

You just go to his room, and he is there. 

Karkat is sitting up in bed, monitors beeping away around him, but wonderfully awake. With careful concentration, he is balancing a get-well soon card on his nightstand. You think its from Eridan's envelope, because it has a picture of Eridan on the front. He's alone. Karkat still looks generally awful, but he's got a tiny smile playing at his lips, and you swear it makes you dizzy. 

'Karkat,' you breathe, and he looks at up you sharply. 'Oh, uh. I mean. Can I come in, or is Kanaya still here, or, uh?' 

Karkat laughs, then winces slightly. On instinct, you lurch towards him, worried. He waves you off and gestures for you to sit down. 

'Kanaya just left,' he says sleepily, his voice even more gravelly than you are used to. 'I'd love for you to stay. If you want to, that is. You can fuck off if you prefer.'

'Oh. Cool.' you say, sitting down, then immediately feeling like an idiot. 

You should have rehearsed this in the shower, instead of crying. What on earth were you doing for two days, if not going over your apology? Sure, you thought about skipping to the bit where the two of you were all made up and stuff. You imagined the happily ever after in great detail. Why did you skip over the bit you need, Dave? 

'So, I-' you start. 

'I'm sorry!' Karkat blurts, as though saying it physically pains him. 

'Oh, shit, what?' 

'Im sorry,' he repeats. 'And I'm double sorry for apologising because I fucking hate useless human apologies, they don't change shit and everyone knows it. But your arm looks like someone tried to turn it into a fucking burrito, and that my fault, and you got in an actual cullworthy fight because of me. I know you hate that shit and I know its my fault. I'm a fucking waste of space, okay? I understand if you don't want to be around me.' 

He crumples in on himself, pulling his knees up under the blanket until he's a little ball of Karkat. You've never heard him make this many subvocal noises before, but his chest is whirring and chittering away like nobody's business. You don't really know what to make of any of this. 

'I mean, apologies actually do mean a lot. It's honestly pretty great to hear, in this case, but the rest of that was bullshit. The shit Gamzee pulled is not your fault, dude.' 

'You aren't that stupid, Dave. You'd have been completely fine if I never moved in with you,' he sighs and mutters. 'You'd be better off without me.' 

Well, you can't have that. 

'Move over.' 

'What?' 

'You heard.' 

You get up, and wait for Karkat to cautiously shuffle over to one side of his bed. You crawl under the covers with him, and wrap an arm around his shoulder so you can lean on him. He leans on you too, and you both get ready to have this conversation with the wall opposite. Its kind of easier not having to look at him, actually. 

'Am I upset and confused? Yes. Am I sorry I met you? No way. I still really like you and I don't think you are a waste of space and I need you to internalise that shit so we can move on, yeah?' 

'Wow, thanks Dave, my self-hatred is entirely cured. I'm a great person, and definitely have no flaws whatso-fuckin-ever.' 

You snort laugh, and his shoulder shake beside yours.

'Yeah, me too man. Total perfection here. I don't have to work on or discuss any of my trauma.' 

The two of you break into giggles, pressed up against each other's sides. He's so fucking warm, and when you are this close, you can tell that those whirring noises have settled down to a low hum. You hope that's a good thing. 

'We're so fucked up.' Karkat says. 'I don't even know where to start.' 

'I can start, if you want? I should probably fill you in on some stuff. Like, okay, I met Sollux.' 

'I thought I saw him at the museum. Everything was sort of fuzzy, but his lack of fashion-sense was obnoxious enough to break through.' 

'Yeah. He, uh, came over to the flat. He showed me one of your old speeches.' 

Karkat freezes up, stiffening significantly against your side. You give his arm a quick squeeze. He's colder than usual, so you tug the blankets up a little further as you continue. 

'It was pretty horrifying. I mean, I couldn't understand a single fucking word of it, but I know you weren't yourself. Can I- is it okay if I ask what happened? You really don't have to tell me anything, but I think it would be a good place to start.' 

He groans, turning to press his face into your hoodie. You are so glad you went home to change. His hair brushes against your chin as you try not to get too distracted by his cute little horns. Its really, really easy to get distracted though. 

'I didn't just keep this shit to myself for no reason Dave. If I had a convenient get-out-of-galaxy-wide-hatred-free card then I would fucking play it,' he sighs, pulling away to look up at you. 'I don't really remember properly.' 

'Well, doesn't that kind of prove that there was something up?' 

'I - maybe. Ugh, its all jumbled up. Gamzee...he used to say that it must have been my choice. Because a bunch of my friends served the empire, my Moirail served the empire, so I must have just sided with them, I guess. But then I think about how I lived, and I had this fancy room and all these fucking servants like...I was in luxury whilst people were fighting and dying and I don't remember feeling anything about it. Its all data with no substance. But then the news always said that mutants don't feel things in the same way as normal people, and my followers used to tell me I was _above conventional emotion_ or whatever that means. I just...' his breathing is ragged now, eyes drilling into you as he panics. 'The memories are angular. They don't fit right in my head and I don't know what to do about it. And I figured my friends would blame me, because I kinda blame me, and-' 

He cuts himself off.

'Oh, Karkat,' you pull him close. 'I might just be some shithead from Texas, but even I know that you aren't that evil. That news stuff sounds like some terrible casteist assholery, and the rest is just bullshit. I don't even know how to phrase this, but I think you are one of the most...feelingsy people I have ever met. You have so much feelings and you use them and I love that. Whatever happened back there, I don't think you can blame yourself. 

He shakes his head, curling into you. You suddenly understand why Kanaya got so upset over not keeping him safe. You just want to protect him, and let him protect you back. You want to feel safe with him.

‘I can’t even trust my own memories, because I trusted him so completely,' he whispers, horrified. 'I never know when I’m wrong, and I just feel like a pile of fucking garbage, and – and I really shouldn’t be dumping all this one you. 

‘No, no I get it,’ you say, grasping his hand tightly. ‘Karkat, I get it.’ 

The look in his eyes is desperate when he looks at you, searching your face. You try your best to let emotion show through the façade, because you know he needs it. You do, too, on some level. You've never felt so much like part of a matching set. His trauma is the fun-house mirror version of yours. 

‘Shit,’ he breathes. ‘You do, don’t you.' 

'Yeah. I mean, its not the same, I know its not. But I idolised him. I wanted to be just like him. For years, I thought he was a hero. He made me believe so many wrong things that I still keep finding them. I only just got over my fear of fridges,' a shudder runs through you, and Karkat places a steadying hand against your chest. 'You know, I just found out that he was actually a spy for the invasion? So fuck me I guess.' 

Karkat shuffles up onto his knees so he can lean over you. It pulls at his injuries, and he has to adjust his heart monitor, but he seems determined. Eventually, he is settled so that he can look directly at you, his hands clutching yours to his chest. There is a steady, comforting rumble there. 

'This probably doesn't help my plea for innocence, but if that fucker ever comes near you again I swear I'll cull him on the spot.' 

You chuckle softly, and lean in to his touch. 

'Thank you. I'd rather just move on from it though. Like, I lived only to fight. I lived to be violent and cruel and I don't want that. I just want to...to live, I guess. 

Karkat moves a hand to your cheek, wiping away a tear. You hadn't noticed you'd started crying. 

‘My whole life was focused around how I was going to die. It didn't matter which side, they all just wanted to know how the legend would end,' he mutters softly. 'I don't really care. For now, I just want to live. Ideally, I want to keep living with you.’

You ache for him. He's so hurt, clearly still hurting, but at the same time he's just Karkat. He's that angry guy who yells at movies. He's the chef who puts love into his cooking. He's the writer who dreams of being a novelist. Karkat is troubled by his pain, but it doesn't define him, and you see so much of your own hopes woven into his being. This maybe isn't the best time for a confession, but you don't care. It beats like a pulse inside you, a constant river of reassurance that this is what is true. You love him. You love him. 

'I love you,' you whisper, adoring. 

Karkat does not even hesitate. 

'I love you too.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter. This fic is coming to a close, and I got pretty emotional writing it. Thank you so much for giving my little fic a go. I don't know how to convey how much the support on this story has meant to me. I've learnt a lot writing this, and the wonderful comments have been so inspiring and lovely. Thank you.  
> (:B


	8. Conclusion: The Future Is Bright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS IT!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Warnings (contains spoilers): Agoraphobia, healing, reference to therapy, physical affection, tooth-rotting fluff.

Things get a little wild after that. Well, wilder, but who’s keeping track? Not you. It’s a little hard to, when Karkat is having a tearful reunion every five minutes.

Seriously, how do you somehow continue to be the least social person you know? You're cool! You DJ and stuff! And yet a stream of trolls longer than your contact list flows in and out of Karkat's hospital room over the next few days. Some of them are less than happy to see Karkat, and there’s more yelling than you’d like, but it somehow turns out okay. A lot of its very personal, so you give them some room to hash it out. You spend a lot of time hiding with Sollux and Tavros in the waiting room, avoiding the fuck out of that drama.

Eventually, you and Karkat get to go home.

‘Wow, this place is still a dump,’

‘It’s a little hard to clean up with a broken arm,’ you shrug. ‘Also, I didn’t want to.’

Karkat chuckles, but hovers hesitantly by the door. The living room is still a mess, but surely its not that bad. You think you must have done something wrong again – maybe it’s the swords? But then he says:

‘Do you want me to move out?’

‘What?’

‘Its just…’ Karkat stares at the floor, fiddling with his sleeves. ‘I really want things to work with us, and we probably moved too quick. And, we’ve both got a lot of shit to deal with, which didn't fucking help. I figured you might want some space.’

‘Oh.’

You think about it. Its not a terrible idea, honestly. The two of you have some healing to do, physically and emotionally. Plus, people don’t usually live together from the very moment they start dating. It would help you space things out.

You can’t quite bring yourself to agree with him out loud though.

‘If you want to go I get it, but the idea of you not being here kind of breaks my heart, Karkat,' you admit, honestly. 'I think I’d miss you too much.’

You watch the worried expression on his face melt, and he follows you into the apartment to wrap his arms around your waist. You lean into it, resting your chin on his fluffy little head, right between the horns. Being held by him feels like safety, and comfort. You’ve missed this.

‘You adorable little fucker,’ he sighs. ‘You can’t just go around saying that shit.’

You hum into his hair.

‘I don’t know. I think I might have to specifically say more of that shit. I’d miss you, and I want you here, and I love you.’

Saying the words makes your own face blush – emotional honesty is not really your area of expertise. Teasing Karkat, however, is very much your specialty, and it’s definitely worth it for the embarrassed squawk he makes.

‘Shut the fuck up,’ he mumbles. ‘I love you too.’

Now you are the one squawking. 

The two of you stay like that for a little while, curled against eachother and swaying gently. It’s wonderful, to be home and loved and with _him_ You really don’t want to let go. But you do have to get a little serious for a sec.

‘We probably should take this more slowly though.’ you mutter into his hair. ‘Less admissions of trauma, more casual dining situations, you feel me? Maybe a couple more of those structured dates.’

Karkat nods against you, and your chin bobs up and down with his head.

‘That's a good idea. We could take things beat by beat, for a little while. I think we also need to work on our own shit, because I am not letting you keep this many fucking swords around,’ he grumbles. ‘I probably should fucking deal with some of the war bullshit I’ve been ignoring, too.’

‘Yeah…ugh. Why do we have to be all grown up and shit? Can’t we just sit around and play with cans?’

Karkat snickers.

‘Cans?’

‘Yeah? Uh, cylindrical food containers. I used to play with them all the time as a kid.’

‘That sounds stupid.’

‘No dude it was the best.’

The two of you pull apart, falling back into your usual bickering. Its easier now, than it used to be, with less tension between you. You hope, quietly and desperately, that its always going to be this lovely.

-

Since Karkat took the initiative with date number one, you go right ahead and plan date number two. Well, sort-of date number two, because you have movie nights every week still. And you eat dinner together a lot, but those don’t count! They can’t count, because you are planning a super special surprise. And yes, its technically another movie night, but its more special that that!

Karkat’s working on things with his own therapist, but he still doesn’t like going outside much, so you’ve had to plan within the confines of your apartment. This isn’t a problem, because you love him, and you low-key hate socialising anyway.

Instead, you ask Dirk to borrow Jane’s projector that she uses for all her shitty work presentations. Then you very, very nicely ask Jade if you can use her karaoke machine. She agrees, providing you sing a duet with her at the next group gathering. Your own agreement is fairly reluctant, because you know she’s going to want to do _Don’t Stop Believing_ , but it’s a small price to pay. This has got to be perfect.

The final step is to pick a movie. It’s not hard.

‘Dave, you didn’t have to do all this,’ Karkat objects, but you can tell from his blush that he’s incredibly charmed. Heck yes.

You’ve covered your bed in all the blankets and cushions in the apartment, made two mugs of cocoa and three bowls of popcorn (You offered to let him watch you make them, but apparently he trusts you, which kind of set you on fire emotionally). The projector is pointed right at the wall, proudly displaying the menu screen for Night at the Museum.

‘Of course I did. My romancing powers cannot be turned off, dude. Come sit down.’

Karkat snuggles in next to you, burying under the convers. You rest your head on his shoulder and let his warmth radiate through you. When the move starts, you can hardly focus on it. You're too caught up in the way his breath catches during action scenes, the chirps from his chest, and the occasional fiery rant. You keep shifting to look into his eyes, so pretty as they stare intently ahead at the movie. You knew you had it bad, but now you know its more than that. 

By the time the movie ends, you’ve had the realisation that you genuinely want to spend your life with this man. But, technically, this is the second date. You keep your mouth shut.

‘Dave,’ he says seriously, lifting your chin so that you are looking at him. ‘That was the best movie I’ve ever seen.’

Your heart fucking flutters.

‘Yes, thank you! Its not even ironic, right? It’s just genuinely good.’

‘Rebecca and Larry have such good chemistry, and don’t even get me fucking started on Sacagawea. It’s a masterpiece.’

Karkat grins at you, and you would smile back, but you are currently a little side-tracked. His hand has moved from your chin to your cheek, so that he is now actively caressing your face. Your face, which is alarmingly close to his face.

Karkat seems to realise this too, a moment later. He doesn’t pull away though. Instead, he lifts up his other hand to pick at the side of your shades.

‘Can I…?’ he asks.

‘Yes,’ you whisper, scared to break the moment. You are hardly breathing.

Karkat, with a great amount of caution, pulls your shades from your face. Its nothing like the last time. You still flinch, but he only smiles warmly and runs a thumb along your cheek.

‘Beautiful,’ he breathes, and then he is kissing you.

Kissing Karkat feels like coming home. Its is not a new or surprising thing, but rather the crest of a wave. There is an inevitability to it, like a destiny reaching its conclusion. His lips are soft and hot. He moves with the same passion that he puts into everything. You fall back against the pillows, hands in his hair, legs tangled in his.

All the while, you can only think about how much you love him.

-

After the fifth or sixth date, you sort of lose count. The next milestone you reach is somehow more terrifying than everything than came before. The meet-the-family dinner.

‘More potatoes, Mr. Vantas?’

‘Dirk,’ you hiss. ‘You can just call him Karkat.’

‘But you told me to be polite?’

You genuinely can’t tell if he’s confused or just fucking with you, but Karkat seems to be enjoying himself. He’s doing a poor job of stifling a laugh.

‘Y-yeah. Thanks, Mr. Strider,’ he says eventually, shooting you a shit-eating grin.

Dirk looks pretty pleased, though. You’re kind of relieved. This had seemed like a big deal, and Karkat’s movies certainly suggested it would be, but in actuality you are just having dinner with two of your favourite people. It would be three, but the way Rose is currently staring at Karkat means she is temporarily removed from that list.

‘So, Karkat,’ she says snidely, not even looking at him. ‘What do you do for a living these days? Something more impressive than before, I hope.’

You wince. She’s clearly doing her intimidating witch act on purpose. If Dirk 'literal-war-hero' Strider can be cool, then why does she have to be so difficult? (You already know its because she cares about you, but you are deciding to ignore that because you are busy pouting right now).

‘Oh, well,’ Karkat stumbles, clearly a little spooked. You try your best to psychically encourage him. ‘I’m a writer, actually. Mostly freelance copy, but I’ve just secured an Agent for my novel, so I’m hoping to get that published pretty soon.’

Ah ha! Rose looks impressed! Of course she does, because she’s a fucking book nerd, and you should have known. You smile proudly, and lean in a little. You try to exude smugness with your whole body. It’s not that you and Rose have a rivalry, exactly, but she’s been objectively succeeding at life more than you for years. You feel pretty proud of your recent achievement of having the world's best boyfriend, and the world is going to know it. Dirk, apparently sensing a Sibling-Moment-TM, excuses himself to get more potatoes from the kitchen.

‘Rose is a part-time party magician, but she also writes scripts for the local radio station. She’s very into literature. Tell her what your book is about, Kitkat.’

‘I’d be more than happy to,’ Karkat’s chest makes that little exited whirring noise it does when he talks about his book. Aww, cute. ‘It’s a science-fantasy novel about holographic projections becoming so advanced that everyone can change their appearance at will, making physical identification both difficult and controversial. It started as a romance book, but I managed to shift it into a story about identity. It does have three romantic storylines, though, with Quadrant blurring. Also, uh, also. There’s a…dark magic…subplot,’ he slows, rubbing his neck sheepishly. ‘Sorry, I’m kind of proud of it.’

Rose bites her lip, and her eyes flicker over to you. You know your smile makes you look like a pretentious idiot but you don’t care, because the moment Karkat said ‘Science-Fantasy’, the battle was won.

‘It sounds…somewhat intriguing,’ Rose says in a clipped voice, but you can tell she is holding herself back. ‘Perhaps I will read it.’

‘I can probably show you a draft if you wa-’

‘Yes! Uh, I mean, that would be very…kind of you.’

A stupid giggle escapes your throat before you can help yourself, and you flush, embarrassed. Its just so good to see them maybe getting along. Dirk seems to take this noise as a queue to come back into the room, though he is not carrying the potatoes he supposedly left for. You are pretty sure he was just stood in the kitchen this entire time, listening in. He’s cool like that.

‘Sounds like a neat book, Karkat,’ he nods. ‘Does it have robots in it?’

‘You heard...? Uh, yeah. A couple, though I’m not really a big robot fan.’

Oh shit. A terrible, cold silence settles over the table, and even Karkat knows he has said something wrong. Dirk removes his shades, slowly, and fixes Karkat with a glare made from burning embers. It’s only Dirk so you aren’t scared, but you prepare to flash step, just in case.

‘We are going to change that, Mr. Vantas,’ he says coolly.

Before you know it, your boyfriend is being dragged away from the table and into your cousin’s workshop. You are hot on their heels, Rose close behind. She sticks her tongue out, apparently seeing this as a victory, which is not fair because you were totally winning.

You all end up having…a pretty good time? It’s not a very conventional meet-the-family dinner, since you eat very little dinner at all, but Dirk warms to Karkat pretty quickly. It takes Karkat a little longer to accept Dirk, but they get there. Even Rose throws in a few non-witchy comments, which is always a pleasure. Watching them interact with eachother lights something inside of you. 

Family really is what you make it. And, in your opinion, you've made a pretty good one.

-

Karkat bursts into the apartment with an amount of force that in not unusual for him. You figure he’s at about a solid three on the Vantas rage scale.

‘Your sister has no taste, Dave. Honestly, just when I started to think Lalonde’s book club wouldn’t be a total clusterfuck, she goes and suggests we read a shitting horror novel. Honestly! Did she not pay attention to the carefully curated list I sent her, because I had a fucking plan and- oh.’

He finally notices that you aren’t alone in the apartment. 

'Sup kk,’ says Sollux, from where he is slouched on the couch, currently kicking your ass at Mario kart.

‘In my defence,’ you say ‘I didn’t know he was coming over either. He just sort of showed up.’

‘He does that,’ Karkat huffs, leaning over the back of the couch to press a kiss against your temple. ‘What do you want, bulge-brain?’

‘Speak for yourself, flushed-fucker,' Sollux retorts easily. 'Honestly, you two are are so cute I could puke. I might, actually.’

Karkat rubs his forehead between the eyebrows, in a gesture that you have learnt is specifically made to cope with Sollux’s complaining. You take this opportunity to pull Karkat over to you, and into your lap. If Sollux doesn’t like you being cute, then he is going to have to vacate the apartment. This cuteness does not stop.

‘Sollux is a fucking cheater, by the way,’ Karkat tells you, getting comfy. ‘Have you won at all?’

‘Nah. But I was kinda just trying to get Bowser to crash in funny ways. How was Rose?’

‘She’s doing good. She’s still one of the less idiotic people at book club, even if her choice in literature is human garbage.’

You snort, and wiggle the stick so that Bowser’s kart goes flying off of the Rainbow Road, again. Ha, classic.

‘Can we go back to paying attention to me?’ Sollux grumbles. ‘I have shit to say.’

‘Then say it, bulgebitch.’

‘Fine! Aradia and I were going on a double date with Terezi and June, which turned into a triple date with Rose and Kanaya, and so now the whole fucking rumpus is coming. For some reason, I’ve been sent to invite you two, because apparently I continue to be utterly doomed.’

Oh, that sounds like a riot. Its always good to see your friends, and you bet you could get Jade to come along. She and Nepeta are pretty close at this point, and you know its always a laugh when the whole squad is there. But you are kinda supposed to be taking things slow, and you are pretty sure Karkat hasn’t quite fixed things with everyone yet. They've all got a lot of stuff to work through, in all fairness. You give him a light squeeze around the waist, trying not to let your own excitement show.

‘Its up to you, Kat. I’m cool either way.’

‘You’re never cool, idiot,’ Karkat growls, leaning his head on you to show he doesn’t mean it. ‘Yeah, we’ll go. You can text us the details like a normal person, instead of fucking trespassing, since I know they’ll change eight times before you settle on anywhere.’ 

Sollux just shrugs, though you can see a smile playing at his lips. You get the feeling that he’s pretty pleased. He and Karkat have a weird dynamic, though you can tell just by looking that they’ve always been close. You wonder how it would have felt to lose touch with June for that long, and aren’t surprised Sollux is desperate to bring Karkat back into the group. You suddenly don't really mind that he's just injected himself into your evening.

‘Another round, Strider?’

‘You’re on.’

-

‘I’m so fucking nervous.’

‘David, you look fine,’ Kanaya smiles at you kindly.

You aren’t so sure. You’ve changed your tie three times. The wedding venue’s mirrors are weirdly shaped and fancy, and it makes it sort of hard to tell which one you like best. Karkat is in the other room, with Rose, and you can hear him swearing at his own mirror through the wall. This is going to be a disaster.

‘Which one did you like best?’

‘The third one,’ Kanaya says, matter-of-factly. 

‘Thanks.’

You swap out your tie, again, as Kanaya chuckles away behind you. She’s right. This one is better. Your suit is an obnoxious red, and this tie matches perfectly. Kanaya swoops over once you are done, looking you up and down with a seamstress’s eye.

‘We should have done another fitting, I think. You want me to fix it now?’

‘Kan, no. You can’t do work on your wedding day!’ You protest.

Because, oh yeah, this is her wedding. Not yours. Like, you love Karkat a whole lot, but you’ve been dating for just over a year. Taking it slow, remember?

Kanaya doesn’t have to worry about her appearance like you do, though. She’s as elegant as always. Her dress starts white at the bust, then fades down into a deep grey at the bottom. There are so many embellishments and swathes of fabric that you would not even be able to guess at how she made it. 

She’s about to say something when Karkat pushes into the room. He’s been full of energy all day, obsessed with the whole concept of weddings. 

‘Kanaya, Rose wants you to go see her, because you are both useless and she misses you alre-oh!’ he stops, looking you up and down. ‘Shit, Dave, you look good.’

‘Thanks.' You do your best to keep a straight face, and fail miserably.

Kanaya hurries to go see Rose as the two of you move together, connecting like magnets. Karkat looks amazing too, in a grey plaid suit, and a tie that bears his sign. He seems kinda stressed out.

‘You good?’

‘Yeah,’ he smiles up at you. ‘Just a little freaked about the speech. I think I know why Sollux refused to be best man, now, because this feeling fucking sucks.’

‘No kidding,’ you sigh. ‘If I didn’t have two whole best women taking the pressure of me, I think I’d probably explode.’

Karkat pulls away to check himself over in the mirror. Neither of you say it, but you know exactly why he’s nervous. Its been a while since Karkat last gave a speech as himself, but he is certainly no stranger to them. You pull off your shades, and walk over to place a hand on his shoulder. Making eye contact in the mirror, you offer him a reassuring smile.

‘You know, Kanaya would only be a little mad if you needed to back out.’

Karkat swallows sharply.

‘Yeah, no. I’m not abandoning her again.’ Oof, you did not think that through. ‘But its fine, I can handle it.’

He looks so determined that it kind of breaks your heart. You wish you could protect him from all the mean things he’s probably saying in his head right now.

‘I’m here for you dude, if you need me.’  
‘I know,’ he smiles weakly, grabbing your hand. 

The soon to be Maryam-Lalondes enter the room, practically glowing. Your feeling swell at the sight of them, and you honestly don’t know when you became such a sap, but you are so fucking happy they found eachother. Your sister looks so in love, constantly throwing glances at Kanaya. Her dress is the reverse of her fiancé's, grey fading into white, and you couldn't be more proud of her. After everything you've seen her go through you want nothing more than for that smile to never leave her face. Their hands look so perfect when entwined that it almost makes you feel sick.

‘Thank you both for coming,’ Rose says, fondly.

‘Yeah, well, I figured you wouldn’t forgive my absence.’ Karkat teases.

Rose pokes her tongue out at him, and he returns it. The pair of them erupt into giggles. You really shouldn’t have let them become friends, they are just too powerful.

‘Karkat,’ Kanaya says softly. ‘We are going to start soon. Didn’t you have something for Dave?’

‘Oh!’ Karkat blushes bright red, and makes no attempt to hide it. ‘Shit, I can’t believe I almost forgot.’

You tilt your head curiously as Karkat approaches you, reaching into his pocket. He pulls out a small, silver pin. You recognise the shape of it immediately as his sign. He slowly reaches up to pin to your suit, waiting to see if you reject it, but you don’t. Judging by the warm look on Kanaya’s face, this is kind of a big deal.

‘Letting someone wear your sign is a pretty big thing, on Alternia,’ Karkat mumbles to you. ‘It’s about allegiance and strength, but this isn’t that. I just want everyone to know that I love you. Thank you for…everything, I guess.’

You take his face gently in your hands, almost crying with all the good feelings swirling around in you right now. You can’t believe how lucky you are.

‘Thanks, Karkat. I promise I’ll treasure it. I love you, too.’

Rose makes a retching noise, dragging Kanaya away to go greet their guests. Kanaya follows her, radiating pure contentment. 

‘I can’t believe this is real,’ you say, actually crying now. You can’t help but voice how happy you are. ‘Its like, how did we even get here, Kat?’

‘Isn’t it fucking obvious?’ he asks, pulling you down to press a kiss to your forehead. ‘We did it together.’

That’s about the cheesiest thing you’ve ever heard. You don’t care. How could you possibly care, when everything is so wonderful? You kiss him, slowly and confidently, feeling his body melt against yours.  
Not every moment is going to be perfect, and you know that, but this one certainly is. You’ve both been through a lot. The weight on your shoulders is hard to carry, but its easier with him. With him, the past is behind you. He is right that you made it here together. There are tears in his eyes, and you know that he is equally overcome with the significance of this day. You made it.

The future promises to be long and bright, and you will face it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR READING, GO WATCH NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM!!!  
> But seriously, thank you for the support. I won't go on too much, since I hope I've already made it clear how grateful I am in the previous chapters. Writing this has truly been such a great experience, and I hope you've enjoyed reading it!
> 
> Consider leaving a comment letting me know what you think, if you have the time! Take care out there, lovely people!


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